It's between God and Me
by 10000PoisonedKisses
Summary: This is a SLASH fic including SS and RL. Rated for hostile feelings, foul language. 6th year Snape and Lupin are potions partners. Tense situations, sexual attraction, graphic nature. Final chapter Uploaded.
1. Lab partners

Lab Partners

By Khavi and Lynn

I won't weigh you down

with good intentions

won't make fire out of clay

or other inventions

Will we burn in heaven

like we do down here?

(Sarah McLachlan- Witness)

"Advanced Potions. Remind me again how you talked us into this, Moony?" groaned Sirius as they approached the dungeon classroom on the first day of sixth year. The halls were dimly lit with various torches and floating candles, making quite an obstacle course for any firsties or other students who were un-aware of the constantly re-shaping stones and hidden passages that led to their classes. The dungeons, it seemed, were not fond of being treaded in. There was even one hall whose floor would collapse completely if you spoke of gumdrops while you walked on it.

Remus smiled as he waited with a group of students for the stones to return to their original positions. "I didn't. You handed me your course signup sheet and said 'here, pick me some classes that'll get me a future,' then off you scampered to Honeydukes to get some supplies for the big 'After Owls' party," he said matter-of-factly.

"Oh yeah." Sirius grinned sheepishly in remembrance, his eyes glazing over. It as if he was remembering the party, and the sugar coma they'd fallen into for the next three days as a result. James, who'd been present at the time in question, also laughed at the memory. Remus felt the corners of his mouth twitch in amusement as he pushed his way through the crowded, but now stable, dungeon corridor and into the damp classroom. His high spirits faded slightly at the sight of the lone figure at the front of the room. He nearly stopped in his tracks.

_Well, of course he's here. Severus has always loved Potions... I hope James doesn't start anything..._

By this time, Sirius had realized the same thing Remus had. "Oi, Prongs, look who it is. Old Snivellous."

Remus winced, waiting for James to reply. Surprisingly, he didn't. He just walked to the head of the class and pulled up a chair next to Snape.

"Hallo, Sevy, how was your holiday?"

Severus didn't look up, but his quill, which had been scratching across his parchment, stoped suddenly. "... I'm surprised to see you again, Potter. Shocked, really. How did you ever make it into this class?" Severus drawled from under a curtain of dark locks. James's smile widened. He began drumming his fingers idly over Severus's parchment. The dark haired youth raised his face to look at James with disgust. Agitated, he pulled his paper towards himself. "If you have nothing to say, Potter, I suggest you leave."

At this point, Sirius had come up behind the two and he placed his hands on Severus's shoulders. "Now, Snivelly, there's no need to get snappy. You're being quite rude." He tightened his grip as Severus tried to pull away. A slightly panicky look passed over Severus's gaunt face.

"What's wrong? I'd almost think you were unhappy to see us," James said, picking up Snape's textbook and flipping through it, obviously doing everything in his power to irritate the other.

"Get off me, Black! And put that _down_, Potter!" Severus growled. When neither made a move to comply, he reached for his wand. Just what the other two had been counting on. Remus saw the subtle look passed between his friends as they both moved as one.

Immediately, Sirius had Snape's arms pinned behind his back as he yanked him roughly to his feet and James drew his own wand. Sirius, never one to miss an opportunity to make Severus feel inferior, entangled his fingers in the thin boy's hair and jerked his head back so he was forced to look at his attackers. At first, Remus made no move to interfere. But this was so childish! Honestly! And Severus's face, usually so pale, now colored with rage and humiliation, was enough to motivate him to action.

"Prongs, Pads, that's enough. Class is about to start," Lupin said, voice slightly raised. It was not untrue. Students were beginning to file in and take their seats, a few shooting them wondering looks. But not even the Slytherin students that were now present were attempting to help Severus. James looked hesitant, but eventually re-sheathed his wand. Only then did Sirius release Severus, and none too gently. He gave the newly freed man a final rough shove before taking his own seat.

Remus turned to send an apologetic look at Severus, but it was received with a cold glare.

"I don't need your sympathies, _beast_," he growled, brushing his shining mane behind his ears. Remus flinched inwardly at the remark. He hadn't been trying to insult Severus...

"Class, sit and take out your texts," came the professor's voice suddenly, snapping Remus out of his thoughts. He blinked and, taking a seat next to James, attempted to concentrate on what was being said.

"Now, I realize that this is the first day, but this is _Advanced_ Potions, and as such, I will be writing down the ingredients for the 'Extreme Exhaustion' potion, and then you will be dividing into pairs to start the process. Yes, _pairs_, Potter. You'll have to give up one of your little minions for the year," she said, eyeing James, Sirius and Remus. "This is a difficult potion, and it will take at least a month to complete. So once it's started, no mistakes are acceptable." She looked once again over at James, whose hand had shot into the air, and was now hanging there, waving slightly from side to side.

"And I don't want to hear any protests," she declared, waving her wand at James as he opened his mouth. "Eternamente Silencioso(1)," she murmured.

A small yellow flash flew from the tip of her wand and struck James square in the voice box. James's eyes widened to the size of platters and he clutched at his throat. He gagged once, attempting to speak. Several small butterflies flew from his mouth and fluttered around the room like brightly colored and sparkling imps. The class erupted into laughter as a few of the butterflies hovered over James' head and dissolved, leaving glitter in his hair. Even James had to laugh; but when he did so, about a dozen more shocking pink butterflies flew from his mouth. Sirius turned to the professor, who had a small smirk on her aged face, and said, "C-could you teach me how to do that?"

"No." She turned once more to James. "Do you think you'll be able to hold your tongue from now on, Mr. Potter? Or shall I have to keep you this way for the rest of our time together this year?" He gave her a pleading look and nodded.

A pretty Slytherin girl with dark brown hair laughed. Remus recognized her as Sirius' cousin Bellatrix Black.(2) "Please, leave him like that! It's much more pleasant this way!"

The professor looked at her, as though she was seriously considering leaving James that way, but finally decided against it. "Bella, as much as I might like to, I think Mr. Potter might have a few complaints."

Bellatrix looked disappointed, but didn't say anything else. She merely sent and amused smirk at James and sat back in her chair, running a hand through her thick locks. Sirius looked at her with contempt, but thought better of saying anything to her here, in a classroom where the teacher might deduct points from Gryffindor.

The giggles died away as the professor removed the spell with a swift flick of her thin wrist. The butterflies gave a shudder and disappeared with a rainbow colored spark.

"Now for lab partners. These will be for the year, so choose wisely," she warned, turning her gaze back to her class. "Break into pairs."

The class became a world of chaos as everyone tried to get with their friends. Remus saw Bellatrix looking between two handsome blokes. One he recognized as Rodolphus Lestrange(3), the other Davey Gudgeon(4). She eventually slipped over to Lestrange's table, taking his arm. Sirius and James had both reached for Remus, but the professor stepped in, eyebrows slightly raised.

"I don't think so. This isn't going to be a repeat of last year with you two slacking off and Mr. Lupin giving you all the answers. You two will have to fend for yourselves."

They opened their mouths to argue, but shut them quickly when she touched her wand threateningly. Neither one of them wanted anything else unnatural coming out of their mouths.

James looked at his dark haired friend, and back at the professor, who seemed to have lost interest now that the issue was resolved. He ventured to ask, "Ah, professor, with all due respect, don't you think this is, well, a match made in Hades?" He was appealing to the teacher in her that knew putting those two together was just asking for a disaster. Unfortunately for him, she didn't seem moved.

"Perhaps so. But I won't allow you to ace this course on your friend's coattails. If you wish to pass, I suggest you learn how to work together," she replied, a wicked twinkle in her gray eyes.

Remus frowned. While it was true that he had done most of the actual in-class work these past five years, he didn't really have any knack for the subject; James and Sirius had been as useful to him as he had been to them, and the thought of having to go it without their help worried him.

"Excuse me, ma'am," Remus said cautiously, still thinking about the look on James' face when then winged creatures glided from his mouth, "but who will I work with?"

The professor craned her neck to look around the now bustling classroom.

"Mr. Snape doesn't appear to have a partner. Why don't you work with him?" she suggested.

Remus felt his stomach clench. Him and Severus? It was practical, academically. Severus excelled at Potions, and Remus himself did reasonably well with the bookwork if not the actual potion-making. In theory it was a good idea, but Severus might have a slight problem working with a werewolf. Especially the werewolf who'd almost killed him and whose friends tormented him relentlessly. He took a deep breath and gathered his things.

Nervously, he approached the Slytherin boy, who was looking down at his desk. Remus cleared his throat and Severus looked up. He glared, distaste apparent on his pale face.

"What do you want, Lupin?" His last name was hissed out, obviously with a great deal of hate.

"I, uh, well... the professor suggested... that is..." Remus lowered his eyes. He felt like an idiot. "Would you like to work together?" He looked intently at his foot, not wanting to meet Severus' eyes, to see the disgust there.

Severus didn't answer at first. He seemed to be studying Remus, then he glanced quickly over to look at Sirius and James, trying to figure out if this was some kind of joke. Finally, he reached for his various parchments and books and cleared half the work area. Remus blinked. Was that a...yes?

Remus stood there a few moments, just staring, unsure of what to do.

Severus had begun to copy down the assignment, apparently having lost interest in him already. Remus shifted his weight uncomfortably.

"Well?" Severus snapped, looking up at him expectantly.

"Well what?" Remus questioned, gazing at him, still unsure.

Severus sighed and rolled his eyes. He looked at the man standing next to him as if he was a total moron and spoke again. "Are you going to stand there like Squib all day or are you going to be seated? We have work to do."

1- it means "forever silent" in Portuguese. "I am far to lazy to think of anything better." Khavi

2- Bellatrix is sent to Azkaban for torturing the Logbottoms into insianity. She is involved in the battle at the Ministry, and she kills Sirius.

3- Bellatrix's future husband, he and his brother Rabastan along with Bella and Barty Couch Jr. are sent to Azkaban for torturing the Longbottoms

4- Mentioned in book three by Lupin. Davey nearly loses and eye to the whomping willow the year it is planted.


	2. Circumstances

Circumstances

By Khavi and Lynn

Somebody get me out of here

I'm tearing at myself

Nobody gives a damn about me

Or anybody else.

(Garbage- Medication)

Severus Snape held the small vial carefully between his thin fingers as Remus measured 100 milliliters of their potion into the beaker. His eyes were focused, brow furrowed in concentration. A small bead of sweat trickled down his face and hung on his jaw for a moment before falling. Remus' hands were trembling slightly, and Severus wondered if he should have been the one of them to do the pouring. It didn't matter now. Whatever happened was in the wolf's hands.

"There, that ought to do it. Now all we have to do is get this to the professor without somehow shattering the glass and infecting the class with giggling warts," Remus said, smiling idiotically. Severus briefly wondered if it was because this was some great accomplishment for Remus. Perhaps it was his first _successful_ potion. Smirking at that thought, Severus quickly pulled the vial out of Remus' reach.

"Then I suppose I should deliver it, as I fear your hand-eye co-ordination is non existent," Severus said coldly, quickly placing the lid firmly over the beaker and brushing past his obviously flustered partner. Remus stared at him, mouth open in a sputter of indignation.

Professor Falkenstien praised their work, congratulating them for being the only team to produce a finished potion that did what it was supposed to. The mice they'd been testing on had developed several unusual conditions. (Such conditions included hiccupping small worm-filled bubbles, snorting purple fire, and growing long silky wings on the back of their paws.) Severus was impressed as well. Impressed that he hadn't killed Lupin by now.

After two days of working with that creature, Severus had come to realize two things. First, the wolf was a lot smarter than he would have initially given him credit for, considering the company he kept. Second, that he hated him more than he ever had the other two. Well, three, if one counted that little weasel Peter. At least they were open in showing that they abhorred him.

But Lupin... All the time they had worked together, he had been civil. Kind, even. He'd smile stupidly and talk to Severus about global issues, Muggle and wizarding. Of course, Muggle issues Severus had no interest in, but the debate about the rising Dark Arts and Illegal Magic Work interested him. He once found himself so engrossed in a heated debate with Lupin that he'd almost forgotten to add the second skin shaving of harpy to their potion. The fact that he was more interested in talking to Lupin than doing his his potion properly bothered him. It made Severus want to curse Lupin so that his grandchildren's children felt it. He couldn't stand the way he pretended as though he wanted to get along with him.

Severus returned to his seat still seething, not even glancing in Remus's direction. Class was almost over and he just wanted to get out of there. He put his head tiredly on his stack of books and closed his eyes.

"Severus?"

He started at the sound of the blonde's voice. Severus shot a look over at Remus, who had planted himself next to him, then went promptly back to ignoring the other.

"Um...Severus? I was wondering...If you wanted to, uh, study together? This evening, perhaps?" Remus asked timidly.

Severus raised his head, surprised at the question. Study together? With a creature like him? He'd rather eat a Hobgoblin liver, thank you very much.

"No thank you, Lupin, but I'm rather busy this evening," he said, trying to keep the annoyance he felt out of his voice. To his dismay, Remus didn't appear deterred. If anything, he looked encouraged.

"Well, maybe later then? I hear you're rather good at Protection and Summoning Charms. Perhaps you could help me with mine? I need to tweak them up a bit," The blonde said hopefully. He tilted his head and waited for an answer.

Severus was annoyed. What was this? A trick? An attempt to play some _highly_ amusing joke on him? Why else would Remus even want to pretend to be interested in studying with him?

"Actually, I prefer to work alone," he snapped, looking back at his books. A feeling of agitation was beginning to gnaw at him.

"Ok, but-"

"Lupin, what part of 'no' is too complex for you? Is your skull so thick that you can't comprehend the meaning of the word? Or is your blood so dirty that you've become too stupid to understand common English? Bugger off and leave me be!" His voice was low with anger as he spoke. Why wouldn't Remus just _leave him alone?_

The taller boy seemed taken aback. His eyes lowered; he looked like he'd been slapped.

"I'm sorry, Severus. It was a stupid suggestion." The strain in his voice made it clear that he'd finally gotten the meaning of Severus's cold demeanor. He began picking up his books and parchment. "My apologies," he said again, turning away.

_Well, good. Go back to your friends and tell them all about the torture that is working with Severus Snape_, he thought bitterly.

Severus returned to looking at his hands, which were folded neatly upon the table. His nails were getting long, he noted. Father wouldn't be pleased that his son was looking so feminine. He'd have to cut them before his next visit. He was fully concentrating on the state of his nail when he saw a movement out of the corner of his eye. Remus was still there.

"What now?" he snarled, twisting his head to look at the Gryffindor that stood next to him.

"Look, Severus," Remus began, putting his books back on the table. "I know you don't like me, but we are partners after all. It wouldn't hurt us to be acquaintances. Possibly even on speaking terms in the halls. I need you to talk to me to pass this class. And I don't plan on failing, on either counts," he said, determination etching his voice. His handsome features were even more prominent, his eyes blazing with the frustration of having been told off so many times.

Severus studied him as the bell sounded, alerting him class was released. What had that last remark about failing meant? He decided he didn't care. After all, what was one statement made by a monster to him? Nothing.

He gathered his things, stood, and brushed Remus aside.

"How sad for you. I, however, have mastered Potions for the past five years without exchanging one word with you. I'm confident I can do it again," he informed him coolly, heading for Defense Against the Dark Arts.

All through class, though, he found himself unable to get Lupin out of his thoughts. The way he persisted in bothering him into studying together. What would the point be? To lure him to a place where his friends could attack him unawares? No. That wasn't his style. He didn't seem to be as spineless as that. That Peter boy, on the other hand, that was more his thing. And it didn't stand to reason that Remus would try something like that, anyway; Lupin himself had admitted he needed Severus to pass Potions, and Professor Falkenstein had made it quite clear that Remus would not be allowed to work with Potter and Black Severus didn't understand Lupin's motive, and that enraged him. He glared at his quill, fuming.

Severus jumped when the professor snapped his wand against the desk, making a loud crack.

"Snape, class has ended. Leave," he hissed, eyes narrowed.

Severus looked around and saw that is was true. The last straggling student was just leaving when he'd been awakened from his thoughts. "Yes, sir," he murmured, gathering his books. Class was over? How long had he been daydreaming? It was a good thing he had a study period next.

The halls were too bright, and the library was a welcome relief from class and other students. The walk to get there had been a long one, and his back ached from the books he carried. He chose a desk in the darkened corner next to "Most Dangerous Dragons" and "Powerfully Poisonous Plants."

After settling in, he took out a book and began to read, trying to make up for the notes he had missed. He quite enjoyed Defense Against the Dark Arts, and as he skimmed the chapters he felt his anger fade. He relaxed as he took in the lesson occasionally pausing to write something down on a scrape piece of parchment. He had gotten his mind completely off of his werewolf partner when he saw a movement in the corner of his eye. He paid it no mind; he was far too engrossed in a chapter about Dementors and wondering if he'd be able to summon a Patronus if the time came.

The scratching of chair legs being pulled across the stone floor roused him from his thoughts. He looked up, agitation rising inside him. He couldn't believe it.

Remus Lupin had just plopped himself down across the table from Severus and begun taking out his parchments and quills. He paid no heed to Severus, but started to tap his quill lightly on the table. Severus narrowed his eyes as he watched the blonde open a textbook and begin skimming it.

Finally he found his voice "What," he began through gritted teeth, "are you doing here?"

Lupin looked up as though he'd just noticed the other boy at the table. "Me? Well, I thought it was quite apparent what I was doing. Perhaps I over estimated you... I'm studying. "

Severus clenched his fists, trying to keep his voice down and tone civil. It wouldn't do to be thrown out of the library, especially not because of Lupin. "Yes, but _why_?"

"Because I'd like to get an 'Outstanding' this semester in Divination," Lupin replied, eyes drifting back down to the text in front of him. "And Madame Piffler didn't need me right this moment," he finished, turning a page in a very well worn book.

"Madame Piffler?" Severus asked, recalling the name of their librarian. She was a small older woman with a kind disposition, but Merlin help the student who damaged one of her books.

"Yeah, I'm a library aid, you know," Remus confirmed, jotting down something he'd just read. A lock of hair fell into his face and he brushed it back slowly. It just fell back to where it was. This time he didn't bother to put it back behind his ear. Severus watched him cautiously, but didn't relax.

Well, the wolf didn't appear to be trying to start anything... Severus looked over his shoulder once to make sure James and Sirius weren't lurking about somewhere, just waiting for his guard to be down. After concluding that they were, in fact, not in the library, he settled back into his chair to continue his notes.


	3. Motivos Contraditórios

Motivos Contraditórios

By Khavi and Lynn

I've tried so hard my dear to show

That you're my every dream

Yet you're afraid each thing I do

Is just some evil scheme

A memory from your lonesome past

Keeps us so far apart

Why can't I free your doubtful mind

And melt your cold cold heart?

(Nora Jones- Cold cold heart)

"This..." declared Sirius, face buried in his arm, "is an ungodly hour."

James nodded his agreement, as he too, had his head resting on the Griffendor table in the Great Hall and who's face was covered by his own arm. James' hair, which hadn't been brushed yet that morning, spilled across the table and into a bowl of oatmeal.

"It's not all that early." Remus noted, glancing at his watch. "Nearly 6:30".

Sirius grunted, not bothering to argue that 6:30 was plenty early for a Saturday. The Great Hall was nearly empty save for a few blurry eyes students. Most where Ravenclaws who were going over some last minute notes and checking their previous nights homework. Others appeared to not even have bothered to go to sleep at all the night before. These students were tiredly sipping at mugs of tea and coffee, filling their systems with the much needed caffeine the bitter liquids supplied them with. Their eyes were red and rimmed with the dark circles that were part of the 'no sleep' package. All classes that took place in the dungeons were rescheduled due to the unfortunate fire incident that absolutely had nothing whatsoever to do with James and Sirius. And so, Fridays classes had been moved to Saturday.

"Peter's such a lucky bastard." James remarked, raising his head, a glob of oatmeal falling off and onto the clean table. "Not taking Advanced Potions..." He flicked at Sirius absentmindedly and sighed.

"A dumb bastard," Sirius quipped. "Even if he'd wanted to, he couldn't get in the class."

"Be nice Pads, you're just bitter he gets to sleep in today and you have to get up. It's your own stupid fault you know..."

Sirius looked up and grinned. "Yeah? So?" He tore off a bit of toast crust and tossed at James, striking him on the shoulder. James ignored him, obviously trying to impress a red haired 6th year girl who gave him a dirty look and went back to her studies. James sighed heavily and glared at Sirius who just laughed at him.

Remus shook his head in amusement while James and Sirius sat up and began to tiredly eat breakfast. Remus sipped his tea, glancing over to the Slytherin table occasionally. Severus sat alone, his back to them.

Remus' eyes focused on Severus's right arm, which was moving as the long haired youth wrote on his parchment. Remus silently noted that Severus wasn't eating, he was too intent on his work. The thin boy's shoulders were hunched, his neck stooped heavily as he scribbled something down quickly.

James tiredly flipped through his bag, searching for something within it's depths. He blinked, the looked through it again with slightly more urgency. "Sirius, do you have your Potions book?"

"Yeah mate, it's right...damn." He had just produced his Charms text. "Oh, bloody... I grabbed the wrong one." he said in exasperation, shaking his head in disbelief.

James moaned and sank back into his chair. "Now we have to go all the way back to Gryffindor Tower..." Sirius groaned and grudgingly put his charms book into his satchel. They looked at each other and resignedly rose to their feet. James looked over at Remus and shrugged. "Listen mate, we might be late to class. Will you make up an excuse for us?"

Remus sighed heavily and looked over at his friends. "Of course. I'll say you've been eaten by the giant squid, and you haven't been regurgitated yet." he answered coolly, returning his attention to a portion of his book that explained the many uses of dragon vomit.

Sirius laughed, and turned to James. "Come on, we're going to have to run unless we want the whole school to think us idiots because of Mooney here." He said, motioning with his thumb. They both looked at the time, and hurriedly started away.

As they existed, Remus returned his attention back to Severus' hunched form. With his two best mates gone, he gathered up his scattered books and parchments, and stood. His pulse quickened about two beats as he began walking towards the Slytherin table. He was nervous. And with good reason. His original plan had just been to walk over to Severus, and talk with him a bit. Possibly even ask to walk with him to class, since they were going to the same place. But, when he started walking, he felt several cold stares follow his progress. All Slythern of course.

Remus passed the edge of the long table, and stumbled over a foot that had been extended to trip him. He looked to see who'd done it, and met the eyes of a 7th year named Rabastan Lestrange(1). Rabastan had a smirk on his handsome face. Remus noticed the blond haired man next to Rabastan give him an odd look before he continued towards Severus. He would not be swayed off his course by simple rudeness.

Taking a deep breath, he planted himself firmly in front of his dark haired partner and cleared his throat. Severus looked up for the first time that morning and glared at Remus. His eyes were dark narrow slits, filled with hatred and disgust. Briefly, Remus wondered if it was going against his better judgment to interrupt Severus when he was obviously busy with something that had nothing to do with him. After a moment of silence, he found his voice.

"H-hullo Severus," he managed to croak out.

Severus regarded him a moment before speaking. "What do you want Lupin?"

Remus felt the eyes of the rest of the students at the table on him as he shifted his weight and replied with as much confidence as he could muster, " I was just curious, if you would allow me to walk with you to potions this morning." As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted them. A few younger students hissed with laughter, and Severus was still looking at him like a bug that was fascinating, but needed to be crushed none the less.

Remus felt his face flush with embarrassment. He'd never been a shy or social awkward person, so this was an odd experience for him. True, he didn't usually walk right up to people and ask them presumptuous questions like he was doing just now, but he was also never one to sit back and watch from afar either.

The sandy haired boy ducked his head a little, trying not to let his partner see the embarrassment on his face. "I'm sorry, that was presumptuous of me. Of course you don't want to. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Alright." Severus cut him off sharply. Remus shut his mouth and raised his head again. The shorter boy wasn't smiling, but he wasn't looking at him like a piece of dirt either. A small improvement. As Remus watched, Severus swept his belongings into his arms and swiftly stood, almost knocking his chair over in the process. He brushed past Remus, not even looking at him and began walking towards the front of the Great Hall.

Remus, not wanting to be left behind quickly regained his composure and went to catch Severus. He managed to fall in step with his partners quick pace with little effort. It was even and had a rhythm, it was just a fast one. It wasn't the sporadic and unpredictable tread that James and Sirius had. It was much easier to follow, even if it was a little tough on his legs at first.

As they made their way silently down the halls into the dungeons, Remus collided with another student going in the same direction. His books now scattered across the floor, the blond lowered to his knees to gather them. His hand brushed that of the other students. He looked up to find himself face to face with the platinum haired man that was sitting next to Rabastan at breakfast. Remus was surprised that a Sytherin, especially a 7th year, would bother to help him collect his things.

His golden eyes met the pale blue ones shyly. Remus was startled when the blond handed him a book and smiled, extending his hand. "Hi. Sorry about that."

Remus tentatively took the hand and shook it. "No, I'm sorry. I should have been paying attention..."

The blonde's long hair fell around his shoulders, almost brushing the ground as he shook Remus' hand. "No worries. No harm done, eh?"

Remus shook his head and stood up. He glanced over at Severus who was standing exactly where he had been when the collision occurred. His mouth was set in a thin line, his jaw clenched unhappily. Remus returned his attention to the older man who was standing now as well. He was at lest 4 inches taller than Remus and had at lest 20 pounds on him. He was good-looking, there was no doubt. But he also had a very cold expression, that set off his almost Adonis (2) like persona.

"I'm Lucius Malfoy" he purred in a low tone, eyeing Remus coolly.

" I know. I mean, everyone does. Know you, that is. Er, well, know _of _you anyway." Remus felt like a fool stumbling over his words like a Firsty trying to ask a girl on a date. "I'm Remus Lupin" he finally managed to spit out.

Lucius smiled and nodded, then turned to look at Severus who was standing in the same spot, the same uncomfortable look on his face. "Sev, why haven't you ever introduced us?" he asked in a sickenly sweet voice.

Severus looked at him, unsure of what to say. "He's my lab partner...That's it."

Lucius seemed content with that answer and turned back to Remus. "It's been a pleasure meeting you, Remus."

"You too..." Remus replied, still watching Severus out of the corner of his eye. Lucius gave a small bow and kept walking to his classroom. Once he was gone, Remus turned to the dark haired boy who had already started walking again. "He certainly is charming". Remus commented, trying to make conversation.

"Charming...indeed." Severus said, looking a little out of it. He suddenly whipped his head to the side to look directly at Remus. His eyes burned with something like accusation. "Are you attracted to him?"

Remus gaped at him. Attracted? To another man? Why would he ask that? Did he have any idea that...

"It's nothing to be ashamed of." Severus continued, voice even and unreadable. "He is very handsome. Anyone would jump at the chance to go to bed with him. Male or female." he remarked absently, trailing off at the end.

Remus felt the knot that had formed in his chest unclench. "Well, that may be, but he's not my type." he replied, walking again. He felt Severus falter in his step, thrown by the blonde's ease. "I'm not attracted to the over confident, 'holier than thou' types." he finished, opening the heavy wooden door that lead to the darkened class.

Severus looked at him curiously, but didn't say anything as they took their seats and set up their materials. Remus was relieved that he didn't push him for more information like James and Sirius would have. Severus had more tact than that. Remus felt a tinge in his chest when he looked at his partner's stern, gaunt face. Severus's long hair made a curtain around him as he leaned over to set up his cauldron. Remus twisted the lid off his ink bottle and placed it on the table. He took a deep breath and opened his book to where they left off. Remus had to get his mind off this.

Remus could never fall for a man like Lucius Malfoy. But if he didn't watch himself, he would end up loving Severus Snape.

(1)Brother of Rodolphus Lestrange and Brother in Law of Bellarix Black, goes to Azkaban for torturing the Longbottoms into insanity. Deatheater.

(2)A Greek God of sex. Shakespeare wrote a poem called "Venus and Adonis" which really wasn't that good because it was long and boring and all they did was have sex, but you should read it anyway just to say you did.


	4. Captivation

Captivation

Help me

I've broke apart my inside

Help me

I've got no soul to sell

Help me

The only thing that works for me

Help me get away from myself

Closer, NIN

"Hey, " Remus whispered as he carefully set his things on the old wooden table. Severus glanced at him briefly, evaluating his stack of belongings. Three textbooks, some parchment, and half a bottle of ink. That probably meant that he would only study for an hour or two at the most. His ink and parchment would run out, unless he had more in his satchel. Severus narrowed his eyes and considered the size of Lupin's worn bag and what it could hold.

His attention was drawn back to Lupin, who was lighting a lantern and muttering a charm to make it hover over the table. Severus felt his eyes move to Remus' hands, which were sliding over the tanned leather of his books, fingers tracing their titles almost lovingly. Carefully, the blonde unscrewed his ink lid and dipped a old quill in. After a moment, he began to write.

The scratching of quill on parchment irritated the long haired youth. He was used to total silence when he worked, save for the occasional hiss of wax burning off a nearby candle. After all, the library was supposed to be a quiet place. Severus sighed and turned bavk to his own belongings. After a moment, he shifted in his seat and pulled a thin silver chain that was tucked under his shirt out.

On the end of the chain was a clear vile, and suspended within the vile, silver smoke rose and twisted, flowing back to the bottom when it hit the top. To the observer, it would look like a miniature pensive. Which is exactly what it was. Severus had always wanted one. Something to convey his secrets to, to hide his deepest feelings within. Of course, this one was far too small to be used that way. It could only store so much information before it could hold no more. But Severus had worked hard to create it, and so he appreciated it. Until he could afford a real one, this one was sufficient for holding his school notes for when he needed them.

It was 15 minutes perhaps before Severus' attention was once again distracted. This time, it was because Lupin was shuffling through his notes, an almost frantic look on his face. The parchment he'd been writing on was spotted with ink and his face was bent over it, looking for whatever it was he needed. Several moments of fruitless searching passed before Severus cleared his throat.

"What are you looking for?" he asked, still watching Remus search.

The blonde raised his eyes to look at him. "I can't seem to find where I wrote the ingredients for the "binding unnecessary and restricting emotions" potion." He answered, looking over his papers again.

Severus rolled his eyes and touched his necklace. After a second, he looked back a Remus.

"Two tablespoons of Dragons blood, one milliliter of llama pepper, one corenea from the eye of a young Selki, three pieces of peeled Ochu skin, and eight drops of Basalisk venom."

Remus stared at him, unsure of what to do. Slowly, he took out his quill and worte down what Severus had said.

"How did you know that?" he asked timidly, as he wrote.

"Good memory." Severus replied tersely, returning his attention back to his Charms work.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Remus shake his head. Frustrated by Remus' reaction, he turned back to him.

"What?" he asked, irritably.

"Huh?"

"What was the headshake for?"

"Oh, nothing. It uh, it just seems stupid to me."

"What does?" Seveus probed. Now he was interested. Remus actually had thoughts going on in his stupid blonde head?

"Binding emotions".

"Why?"

"Because, every human needs emotions to live. Without them, we'd be merciless killers, thieves, who knows what else."

"We'd also be more suessful." Severus replied, still gazing at the blonde.

"How do you mean?"

Severus thought for a moment, then continued. "Picture this. You're an Auror. You've been tracking a Muggle killer for months and you've finally got them cornered. But low and behold, it's one of your childhood friends. What would you do? Would you let them go, just because you feel some affection for them? Or would you do the smart thing, and turn them in anyway? You see, the conflicting emotions make your choice hard. Without them, you'd be efficient and get the job done." He finished, feeling rather satisfied with himself.

Remus looked stunned to have been proven wrong, and Severus felt a flash of superiority over him. He almost felt bad for the poor sod, having false delusions that emotions were any good. After all, all they did was hinder a person's ability to think clearly.

As Severus turned back away from Remus, the wolf began to speak again.

"That's ridiculus." He growled, eyes boring into Severus.

"Why? Without all those distracting sentiments, you'd be able to make rational, well thought out decisions."

"Distractign sentiments!" Lupin exclaimed. "Like what? Compassion? Guilt? Empathy? People who make decisions without considering how others feel will only end up hurting people, and themselves."

Severus shrugged, not wanting to get into this conversation with Lupin. "Perhaps, but they'd still make a good decision."

To his dismay, Remus persisted. "But at the cost of hurting those they love? What's worth that?"

Severus laughed. "Ah love. I was wondering when that would come up. It is the most impairing emotion of all." He spat, bitterly.

Remus looked shocked. "Severus! That's not true!" he looked at a loss for words. After a second, he continued. "Love is the most wonderful emotion. Like a mothers love for her child. Being willing to put a person before yourself, being willing to do anything to keep them from harm."

Sverus snorted and shook his head. "That's the most ludicrous thing I've ever heard." Severus couldn't help himself. He had to laugh aloud at the notion. Why, the very idea of putting another person before yourself…well, it was humorous.

The sound of his cold, bitter, laughter rang out sharply through the library. Several students glanced at him, only making him laugh harder. He knew he should stop himself, but it was difficult. Even with Lupin staring at him with that look of his, Severus couldn't help himself. Finally, he was able to stop, but not before the librarian threatened to throw them out.

Smoothing back his tousled hair, he looked over at the blonde who was gazing at him with a hurt look on his face.

"look, just because you don't agree with me doesn't make me wrong…" he mumbled, looking back at his papers. Severus couldn't help but notice that the blondes eyes were a little red and that his face was flushed. The long haired man felt a sudden pang in his chest after seeing how the other boy had reacted.

"Lupin, that's not what I ment.." he started, not being sure what to say.

"Forget it…" Remus grumbled, opening another textbook. He was concentrating on a passage in his text, not bothering to look at his partner. Severus clenched his teeth and tried again.

"look, Lupin…I'm just…well. The very idea it's…stupid." He said, lacking a better word.

The blonde paused in his study and looked up. His golden eyes met Severus' dark ones. He looked very serious and very upset.

"Why?" he asked firmly.

"Why?" Severus repeated. "Well, er..you see…" he looked down, considering how to convey to Remus why he felt the way he did. "You see…" he paused, knowing perfectly well that Lupin couldn't see the scars on his back or the anger he carried in his heart. After all, Lupin could only see what he allowed him to. But…jut this once…if he could see then…

"People, by nature, look out for themselves. Life is about survival and self preservation. Emotions like love contradict everything in nature. Love, as you described it, is a fantasy. The person afflicted with love is merely a tool to be used by the loved. Opening yourself to another makes you easily manipulated. Only a fool would allow themselves to be so vulnerable." Severus finished, feeling rather satisfied with himself. He knew he was being vague, but he really didn't want to go into the details of his life with the monster. Besides, why should he have to explain himself to Lupin?

"But that's not true!" Remus protested. "It's not about using or being used! It's about trust and knowing that there is someone out there w_ho's willing to risk their own life for yours! Knowing that there is someone who's_ living just for you!" He shook his head, causing his shaggy blonde locks to fall across his face. "Anyone who would hurt or use someone they claimed to love…that's just sick."

Listening to Remus speak, so fiercely earnest, made Severus wonder if he was the one in the wrong. He watched the other man's face, searching it for any signs of malice or deception. Finding none, his heart gave a funny lurch. Was this a medical condition? Should he get it looked at?

He opened his mouth to excuse himself when a cold hand clamped down on his thin shoulder.

"Severus, how nice to see you." Lucius Malfoy's voice purred near his ear. The sound of it made him jump in surprise. "Ah, and your friend is here as well? Remus Lupin, am I correct?" The platinum haired mans voice was smooth as silk and as cold as his hand. Severus' blood practically curdled at the sound.

"Hullo Lucius" he said through gritted teeth. The hand on his shoulder squeezed, almost painfully and he suddenly felt very sick.

"Hello…" Remus said softly, and Severus had to look at him. He was horrified to see the taller boy was smiling politely at Lucius and looking at him with interest. The long haired man released Severus' shoulder and went over to where Remus was seated. Sweeping his cloak behind him, he pulled up a chair and leaned close to see what Remus had been writing.

Severus watched as Lucius laughed at what Lupin said, how his hair fell over his shoulder onto Lupin's parchment, how his arm brushed Lupin's and how Remus smiled back timidly. All he could hear though, as white noise. That, and Lucius' low voice whispering to him.

Having been lost in his thoughts, the sound or Remus' voice was a welcome interruption.

"I'm sorry, what?" he asked, tersely. He noticed the Lucius was giving him A Look that he recognized as a warning. He knew if he put one foot out of line, there would be consequences.

" I asked if you'd like to accompany me back to Griffyndor tower. Lucius has offered to, but I'd like your company as well." Remus said, looking at Severus intently.

The very idea of Lucius walking with Lupin alone made his stomache lurch. Lucius only had two interests in people. Those he could benefit from, and those he'd like to concur. Severus did not want Lupin to be his next conquest.


	5. Punishment

Punishment

everything changes  
everything falls apart  
can't stop to feel myself losing control  
but deep in my senses I know

how stupid could I be  
a simpleton could see  
that you're no good for me  
but you're the only one I see

(Sarah McLachlan- Stupid)

As soon as Remus fell in step with his long haired companion that day, he knew something was off. His first indication was when Severus blatantly ignored him when he called his name, and didn't even acknowledge that someone was trying to talk to him. At first, Remus thought it was because the corridors were long and sometimes people voices didn't carry very well. But after he ran the 200 yards to catch up to Severus and had still been ignored, he knew it was something more than just bad reception.

"Severus! Hey, hold up there, mate!"

The dark haired boy paused for only a moment, and kept walking. The corridor around him lurched and the bricks began to reposition themselves. Severus looked confused and had to stop.

"Oi! Severus! I'm talking to you!"

Severus sighed and turned to the blonde, not meeting his eyes. "Look, Lupin. I'm not in the mood and I would really rather just walk alone right now, so will you kindly-"

"Severus, mate..."

"Stop calling me that! And bugger off already, would you?" the think boy snarled, turning on his heel and picking up his pace again. As he turned, Remus noted that some of his hair fell out of its usually tidy position and into his face.

When he didn't move to fix it, Remus felt a little concerned. Although Sirius and James tormented him relentlessly about his hair, Remus knew that Severus took great pride in it. How smooth, shiny, and orderly it always was. When he allowed it to stay out of place, Remus knew something was horribly wrong. Even when they were studding together alone, Severus would always fuss with his hair, trying to make sure it was as it should be.

Even his usually swift pace was slowed to nearly a crawl and that hurt Remus more than the comment and the sudden cold shoulder. He decided to try again.

"Severus, what-"

"Fuck _off_ Lupin! If I wanted to talk to you, I would!" he growled, turning to face the blonde. When he did so, Remus was able to look into his face for the first time that day. Before that moment, Severus had kept his eyes glued firmly to the floor. There were dark circles there, and his skin was almost lucid and tightly drawn into his face. His lips were pursed into a thin angry line as he glared at Remus.

It was a huge change from the night before, when Severus and Lucius had accompanied him back to the Tower. Then, Severus had been acting odd, but he'd been civil. And even though he looked rather ill, he'd still been friendly. Making conversation when he had to and whispering a gentle goodbye as Remus climbed through the portrait. Remus wondered what could have caused his behavior to change so dramatically over night.

"Severus, I…What's _wrong_?" He asked, gently touching the thinner lad's arm.

At the touch, Severus jerked away and hissed in pain. Remus quickly withdrew his hand and looked at Severus carefully. Something was definitely _wrong_ here. Slowly, Remus reached again for Severus' arm.

That's when he saw it. Severus' hand was swollen and an ugly shade or purple. The blonde gasped and looked down into the other man's face and saw a look of shame there. Severus quickly pulled his sleeve down to cover it, and cradle his arm against his side.

"Sev…"

"Don't. Just go." He sighed and started walking again.

But Remus wouldn't let him go that easily. Tenderly, he reached yet again for Severus' other hand. The dark haired youth glanced down as Remus took the small hand in his. After looking at their hands for a moment, he turned back to look at Remus.

"What are you..?" he began.

Remus just shook his head and pulled him down the hall. After searching fruitlessly for several minutes for an empty classroom, Remus led him to the nearest Lavatory. The only people there were a few second years who quickly hustled out when Remus shot them a look. Gently, he released the other boys hand and turned to him.

Severus was breathing a little hard, still holing his injured arm against his thin frame. He leaned against a wall and glanced up and Remus. "What are you doing Lupin? We're going to be late for class…"

"Shut up, Severus. There are some things that are more important than class." Remus said slowly, eyeing the other boy's arm. "Take off your robes"

"Excuse me?" Severus said, looking aghast. "Of all the-"

"So I can see what happened to you. Merlin, I'm not a pervert. Just take them off."

"No. it's nothing. I'm going to class..."

"Severus…Please."

Sighing with frustration and agitation, the Slytherin slipped out of his robes. Underneath, he wore a black tank top with silver buttons. His black slacks hung loosely on his slender hips and his boots looked freshly polished. His fine décor was not what drew Remus' attention. It was his arm.

Oh Merlin, his _arm_. It was swollen to nearly twice its regular size and looked like one giant bruise. The purple was not solid, but spotted with yellow and blue areas that looked extremely painful.

"Merlin, Severus. What _happened_ to you?" he demanded, walking towards the other boy.

"Nothing." Severus replied shortly. He pulled his robes back onto his shoulders, but winced as he did so.

"Severus, I have to take you to the hospital wing! This is serious!" Remus insisted, trying to keep the robes from covering the damaged area. Although he was repulsed by the damage he saw, he could not draw his eyes away from it. What could do this to a person? A spell? Certainly one he'd never heard of…

"No!" Severus protested, shaking his head. "It's nothing! Just fucking forget it, ok?" he said, almost pleadingly. His dark mass of hair was becoming tangled as he shook his head. Remus felt awful. What should he do? Severus obviously didn't want help, but look at him. He was a mess. Without really thinking, he reached out and touched the panicky boy's face.

The skin was smooth and cool under his fingers. Trying to calm him, Remus began to brush the stray hairs out of his face and behind his ears. Although it didn't have the calming effect he'd hoped for, Severus did stop moving. Instead, now he stood as stiff as a statue, just staring at Remus.

The damp lavatory was not an ideal place for this, Remus knew. And anyone could just walk in at any moment. But he couldn't help himself. Carefully, he pulled Severus into an embrace, trying not to cause more damage to the already injured limb. Sighing, he buried his face in the shorter boy's shoulder. He knew he shouldn't…that he had no right to invade Severus' personal space like this but…it was just so painful watching him turn down the only helping hand he had been offered.

"Severus, you need to get that looked at. I…I'm your _friend_. I want to help you."

That was the wrong thing to say, or so it seemed. Severus winced away and pushed Remus roughly. Startled, Remus allowed him to.

"Sod off, Lupin. You're not my _friend_ and I don't need your pity." He murmured, straightening his robes and hair.

"Severus…I thought that we-"

"Well, you were wrong!" the brunette hissed, glowering at him. Disgust clearly showing on his face, he spoke again. "I'm civil to you because I have to be to pass one lousy class. Believe you me, if I had the choice I'd never exchange another word with you again. In fact, I think I'd rather enjoy watching you suffer for your little prank last year. You nearly killed me and now you expect me to be your _friend._ Ha! You think just because you offered me a few kind words and tender moments that I'd be so naive as to trust you? Well I'm not that stupid…" he finished, having worn out of steam.

As Remus watched, he gathered his books and headed for the exit. "Oh, and don't bother to talk to me outside of class again. Our little study sessions are over." He trailed off, but then glanced over again. "And if I were you, Lupin, I'd stay away from any other Slytherins that I came across. They only want two things…"

Remus felt his eyes sting with indignation. What had that been about? Had he been wrong about Severus? How stupid could he be? Of course he'd been wrong. Severus was a Slytherin and James and Sirius must have hated him for a reason... How could he ever have been so foolish to believe that he could have feelings for this man? What kind of an idiot was he?

A/N: Sorry the last chapter was so short, I was having writers block and am itching to get to further chapters. Of course Remus won't follow his advice and so he has a bit of a situation involving Lucius coming to him. Thanks to all the readers! You guys are awesome!


	6. O mundo saberá

O mundo saberá

God only knows

Why I don't just retreat

Instead of riding the rails

Back to the place of my worst defeat

Cause I'm not fooling anyone

Not quite convincing you

(Hedwig and the Angry inch-In your arms tonight)

The situation could not have been worse. Well, scratch that. Technically, it could have been. Lucius could have actually finished the job and beaten Severus completely to death. But would that really have been worse? Severus just wasn't sure anymore.

After walking Remus back to the Gryffindor Tower yesterday evening, Severus had been left completely alone with Lucius. He was dreading this moment more than any other. He'd expected the other Slytherin to be angry with him; he expected to be punished for his insubordination. He'd expected anything except the reaction he got.

"So, Severus…" Lucius had purred into his ear as they made their way to the dungeons. His voice was low, and some people would have called it sensual. To Severus, it was terrifying. Whenever someone spoke to him with that tone, his stomach tended to coil with dread. When someone used that tone with him, it meant something awful was about to happen to him.

The taller man then rested his arm across Severus' shoulders in an almost friendly gesture. "I see that you have your sights set on our young Remus Lupin as well." Out of the corner of Severus' eye, he saw Lucius smile at him.

Severus tried desperately not to flinch away as Lucius pulled him closer, making the contact more intimate. He felt sick to his stomach wondering what Lucius was going to do.

"What do you mean, Lucius?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"My dear Sevy, I know you fancy him." His stomach did a little flip-flop at these words. He fought to hold on to his self control even as he was inwardly reeling from hearing Lucius vocalize the attraction that he had not yet admitted to himself.

"What are you implying, Lucius?" he managed to choke out, trying to keep down the bile that was rising in his throat. He cursed himself for sounding so intimidated.

"Implying? Why, nothing at all, dearest Severus," the blonde murmured, pulling Severus even closer to him. His cool skin rubbed against Lucius' long cloak and Severus shivered. The dungeons were growing darker the deeper they ventured. Several of the torches used to light the trail had gone out due to the dampness of the corridors. Severus felt his breath catch when Lucius continued.

"All I'm saying is that, as long as you and I have been acquaintances, you've never disrespected me like this. But today you stood against me. Against one of my wishes. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but we had an understanding, did we not? You broke our agreement. And for what? One pretty eyed blonde Gryffindor? It's very unlike you," Lucius whispered, lowering his mouth so that it was brushing against Severus' cheek.

Severus winced away from the hot breath, but knew he couldn't escape it. Lucius was stroking his hair lovingly out of his face as he led the smaller boy through the dungeons to the entrance of the common room. Severus wanted to flee. Wanted to wipe that disgustingly charming smile off of Lucius' face. But he knew he couldn't. He could do nothing anymore. In fact, Severus doubted there was ever a time he could have done anything anyway.

Severus decided it was just best to keep his eyes lowered as Lucius led him through the common room. The scenery was dark green and silver and although a healthy fire burned away, the air was icy. The only other people present were a group of fourth years, one of which was Regulus Black, Sirius' little brother. Regulus eyed them as they passed, and Lucius nodded at him. When Regulus nodded back at him, Severus felt nauseated.

Regulus knew what Lucius would do to him. He knew, but he was too much of a coward to assist Severus. That, or too much of a Slytherin to care. For the first time, Severus wished that Regulus was a little more like his brother. At least a Gryffindor would have said something. Severus swallowed tightly and closed his eyes.

He did not feel it when Lucius struck him. Well, that was a lie. He felt it. Felt the blood in his mouth, pooling on his tongue. He felt the coldness of the hands that held him down and hit him. That, and the way Lucius kissed him. Forcing his tongue into Severus' unwilling mouth. Severus thrashed angrily under him but without any effect. The sheets had become tangled under him and he could tell that Lucius was loosing his patience. Almost absently mindedly, the blonde smacked him, knocking the younger man's head to the side. Severus coughed and spit up the coppery tasting liquid that had started flowing in his mouth again.

By this time Severus could tell that Lucius was getting bored. When the dark haired youth turned to look at him, he saw Lucius running his hands over Severus' frail frame. He did so until his hands came to rest on his right arm. Angrily, the platinum haired Slytherin tightened his hold on the thin limb, muttering something under his breath.

The burning pain that erupted into his arm was far worse than the beating and the touching put together. Those things he could easily hide. But the hex would last much longer than a few bruises and welts. Eventually, people would begin to notice. They would ask why he would not raise his wand arm.

As tears of pain streamed out of his eyes and rolled down his face, Lucius licked them away. He whispered sweet promises that he'd take the curse off if only Severus would just stay out of his way. He'd take it off the moment Severus allowed him to claim the blonde for himself. The very idea sickened the brunette to the core. He spit on Lucius, staining his face with blood.

"Mr. Snape?"

Severus jerked and snapped his head up to stare at Professor Kettleburn. His heart pounded wildly at being startled out of his thoughts, and it took him a few panicky moments before he remembered that he was in Care of Magical Creatures, reviewing for the next day's test. From the look on the professor's semi-disfigured face, he was expected to give some kind of answer.

He opened his mouth to say something, but he had no idea what the question had been. All he could do was gape wordlessly as Kettleburn shook his head in exasperation. "Mr. Snape, we've been on this unit for three weeks, can you _honestly_ say you still don't know the difference between a Manticore and a Minotaur?"

Severus flushed red in embarrassment. That had been the first thing they'd gone over in that chapter, and at the time he had thought that anyone who didn't know the distinction in the first place disserved to be mauled by the monsters in question.

Behind him he could hear Black and Potter snort in amusement, and that wheedling little Pettigrew's high-pitched giggle grated on his already fragile nerves. He glanced back and saw Lupin looking at him, expression unreadable, but the blonde looked quickly away.

For some reason, that wordless dismissal caused a searing pain in his chest. He turned back around, muttered an apology to the professor, and reached for his quill and parchment. A small jolt of agony rushed through his entire arm, making him wince and gasp. Kettleburn shot him an irritated look, and he lowered his eyes. After a moment, the review began again.

"What's the matter, Snivelly? Too much grease in your ears to pay attention?" Black hissed, leaning forward in his chair to get closer to Severus.

"Aye, mate. Obviously Sevy here has obviously forgotten to bathe this month." Potter whispered, waving his hand in front of his face. Black laughed and leaned back into his seat, still watching Severus for a reaction.

At first, Severus was considering shooting back some clever retort, but he decided it was too much effort and he was not in the mood. Instead, he glanced back again to see if Lupin was going to say anything to his friends, but found the blonde looking intently at his notes. A little upset, but not surprised by the action, Severus returned to his own parchment.

Slowly, using his left hand this time, he picked up his quill and began to take notes in an awkward, childish scrawl. He would have to get used to using his weaker arm. His right arm would be out of commission until he complied with Lucius, and that was something he simply refused to do.

A/N: Thank you for reading, I hope this clears up any questions people may have been having about why Severus suddenly had a bout of Bastardness. Special thanks to Uremia. Thanks to all the reviewers, you guys are wonderful.


	7. Aconteceu Uma Noite

Aconteceu Uma Noite

The road is turning for me,

The road is turning for you

The light is red like a fire,

But you drive on through

I stay behind and hear you call

"You should have known this from the start"

I'm left with, I'm left with

A piece of my heart

(Bree Sharp- Walk away)

Remus felt absolutely awful. He knew he would have felt worse, except that James, Sirius, and Peter were with him. After the lavatory incident and the "Care of Magical Creatures" scene, Remus was beginning to wonder if there would ever be a chance for him to befriend Severus. It seemed less and less likely that it would ever happen.

Shivering with cold, Remus pulled his robes more tightly around himself. He really did wish this school had better ventilation, but what could he do? It was a huge castle and although torches were lit and fires burned, the whole place still held an eerie chill about it. Especially the dungeons, which dripped with moisture. On occasion, Remus had even seen a few icicles hanging from the paintings during winter. As a first year, Remus had even slipped on some ice on his way to class. Unhappy and still thinking about Severus, Remus lowered his eyes and looked at the floor.

"Mooney, why are you sulking, mate?" Sirius asked, slinging an arm around the blonde's shoulders, startling him.

"Yeah," James added, releasing Peter from the headlock he'd had him as they trudged down the hall. "You're not acting like yourself."

"Er, yeah Moons," Peter squeaked, rubbing his neck. "What's going on with you?"

Seeing Peter rub his neck, James reattached himself, forcing the plump boy into another strangle hold.

"Gr'off me!" Peter cried, struggling. James only laughed and rubbed the top of his head affectionately.

"Or what, Pete? You'll kill me?"

A nearby painting gasped as the squirming boys slammed into the wall next to her. Her neighbors shook disapproving head and a few managed a smile. The wall, however, groaned and hissed.

"Well I never!" it sputtered, a few of its bricks beginning shake. James laughed and offered an apology, still pulling Peter along in what looked like a rather uncomfortable position. The smaller boy's fists on James' arm didn't seem to have any effect as he wiggled unhappily.

"Nothing's wrong…" Remus mumbled, reaching over and pulling Peter free. James pouted and mock reached for the Peter again. The other lad scampered behind the wolf, looking for protection. Sirius laughed and whacked him on the back.

"Don't lie, Mooney. You're horrible at it," James said, stretching. His lithe, small body cracked in protest and he gave a satisfied grin.

"Too true," Sirius noted. "It's because of you that we all got detentions last year for that fireworks thing." He shook his head and ran his fingers through his long, disheveled locks.

"Sorry I'm such a lousy liar," Remus grumbled. "But you shouldn't have set them off in the Ravenclaw hall in the first place."

"Be that as it may," James said indignantly, "you're the one who got us caught."

"You would have been found out anyway," Remus pointed out. "You're the ones who left your damn books there with your _names_ inside the covers."

Remus rubbed his head tiredly and Peter whimpered as Sirius nudged him aside. As they walked, they passed a revolving door where a 2nd year seemed to be trapped. The door was swinging too fast for the poor girl to get out of. Remus muttered a little charm and the girl stumbled out, looking rather dizzy. Her short brown hair was a mess, and James offered her an arm to lean on until she could find her feet. Once she was gone, Sirius rounded on Remus again.

"But that's not really the point, is it?" Sirius growled. "The point is, there's something wrong and you're keeping it from us."

He moved closer to Remus, causing him to back up into the cool stone walls. The look on Sirius' face was meant to be intimidating, but Remus knew he was just concerned. He let out a breath and forced the best smile he could muster.

"Sirius, mate, it's nothing. I promise."

And there it was. The magic words. 'I promise.' It was a phrase Remus rarely used, and never unless he meant it. Sirius' face relaxed and he smiled back.

"Alright then. If you're sure, then it must be nothing," Sirius murmured, taking a few steps back. Remus feels awful for lying to him like that, especially since if he found out it would break his trust forever. But deep inside him he knew this was something he must deal with alone. There really was no need to involve his friends with it.

He lowered his gaze once more, this time looking at his books. He blinked and counted them. Merlin, where the hell was his Transfiguration text? Had he left it in Care of Magical Creatures? That seemed like the most likely explanation to where his missing book was. It was very unlike him to ever misplace something since he was usually so meticulous with his belongings. Turning to his friends he groaned.

"Guys, I forgot my book. I have to go get it," he explained.

Sirius gasped and James clutched at his heart.

"How could this happen? _You?_ Forget a _book_?" James asked, trying his best to look shocked.

"The apocalypse is here!" Sirius shouted, looking taken aback. Peter jumped, eyes shifting. Apparently, he had not gotten the obvious joke. Remus rolled his eyes and readjusted his satchel which hung on his shoulder.

"Ha ha. Very funny you two," he grumbled. "Anyway, I'll see you all back in the common room, ok?"

"Alright," Sirius agreed. James turned and looked wickedly at Peter who gulped, trying to inch away. The messy haired man reached out and seized him, pulling him forcefully towards him.

"We'll be there! Well, not all of us in once piece," he winked as he said this and Peter groaned. Remus grinned and started walking back the way he'd come.

He'd barely gotten back to the now empty classroom before he was stopped. Surprised at who he saw, he opened his mouth. It was Lucius! What was he doing here? Didn't he have a class?

"Lucius!" he sputtered. Rather embarrassed about how that came out, he tried to regain his composure. "What are you doing here?"

The blonde held up his hand, an old book in it. "Forgot this."

After a closer look, Remus identified it as an Astronomy text.

"You take Astronomy?"

"Oh, yes." Lucius smiled. "It's my favorite class."

"Mine too!" Remus gushed, looking at the taller man with interest. He'd had no idea that he and Lucius had anything in common at all. Excited, he continued. "I mean, I've liked it for a long time. Since I was a little kid."

"Really?" Lucius asked, looking just as interested. His long platinum locks fell gracefully around his shoulders and hung at his hips. Remus' eyes were drawn to them as Lucius swayed on his feet, still balancing his book in one hand.

"Yeah," Remus replied, shifting his satchel again. It was heavy and he wanted to set it down. Lucius noticed his movement and gazed back at him.

"I should let you go," he murmured. "Hmm, Remus?" he asked as he half turned to continue on his own way.

"Yes, Lucius?"

"Would you like to study with me? This evening?"

Remus thought about it for a moment. "Where?"

"Slytherin common room. Don't worry, I'll let you in."

"Um, alright," Remus agreed, thinking that he might get a chance to see Severus if he studied in the Slytherin territory.

"Wonderful. 7:00 alright?"

"Yes, perfect," Remus said, glancing at his watch. As they said their goodbyes, Remus felt his hear rate pick up. How exciting! The Slytherin Common room! Of course, James and Sirius would have a litter of kittens when he told them where he'd be going this evening. He'd have to come up with a good excuse before then. At least he had three hours to come up with a really good one.

But the time passed all too quickly, and before he knew it, Remus was preparing to make his way to the Dungeons. Luckily for him, Sirius and James were too caught up with their own things to notice when Remus slipped away. The walk down didn't take as long as Remus thought it would. Or maybe he was just too nervous to notice the passing of time.

At any rate, by the time he reached the entrance, the blonde was shaking through and through. Had this really been a good idea? It wasn't too late. He could still turn back around and make an excuse for Lucius later, but the idea of seeing Severus was too enticing for him to resist. He'd barely raised his arm to knock when the door swung open.

Lucius stood there, looking out. He had his long hair combed back into a delicate knot at the back of his head. His slender form was covered with a green pullover and black slacks. A silver studded belt with entwined snakes hung at his hips. As Remus watched, the snakes slithered around the exterior, obviously being charmed to look intimidating.

Lucius' face brightened when he saw the Gryffindor standing there, his mouth slightly agape. "Remus! Come on in, luv."

The term of endearment startled the younger man, but he tried not to let it show as he scooted past the other. The inside of the common room was exquisite. Several elegant portraits hung on the walls, all looking at him with suspicion. One of them was Salazar Slytherin himself, and Remus felt his heart pound as he moved across the room to a table.

Settling himself down, Remus took out his notes and text. He didn't notice as Lucius closed the door and slinked closer to him. When the cool hands came to rest on his shoulders, Remus looked up.

"Lucius, I know that you've been in this class longer than I have, perhaps you could help me with the significance of Mar's rotation as it involves Orion…" he started, pulling away from the other student slightly to flip through his notes. Lucius didn't seem to be paying attention to what Remus was saying and he felt himself grow a little annoyed. He jerked a little as Lucius brushed a few locks of hair away from his face.

"What are you...?"

"You have such a handsome face. It's a shame to hide it behind all this," he murmured, lowering himself into the chair next to Remus. "But what happened here…?" he asked, indicating the scars on his left cheek. Remus touched them self consciously and brushed his hair over them again.

"Oh nothing. An old accident…" he trailed off as Lucius touched his lips with his thumb.

"And this?" he wondered, looking at the small scar there.

"Same thing."

"I see…"

Remus felt his discomfort growing as Lucius' eyes began to wander of his body, openly examining it. Remus, who played no sports, had always been uncomfortable about his body when compared to others. He didn't have James' muscle tone or Sirius' slim form. The attention Lucius was giving him caused him to flush and pull at his robes, trying to hide himself.

"And a body to match the face." Lucius finished, setting his hand on the younger man's thigh.

Remus looked down at the hand in surprise. The slender fingers cupped his leg and began crawling higher. He felt his body react to the sudden contact in a most undesirable way. Gritting his teeth, Remus willed himself not to get an erection. He clenched his hand around his quill painfully tight to distract himself.

"Lucius, stop this…" he chocked off his last few words as the Slytherin pushed his work aside and moved to sit on his lap. Too stunned to say anything, Remus merely watched as Lucius began to work his hand under the boy's robes, eyes locked on his.

Remus pushed his hand away. "Stop," he insisted. His meek protest didn't even convince _him_ that he didn't want it, let alone Lucius. It was at this point that Remus realized just how empty the Common Room was. There were absolutely no other students there. Where were they?

"Why? You like it don't you? If you're worried about someone walking in, don't be. My housemates know better than to walk in here when I have company," Lucius assured, cupping an hand around Remus' head, pulling him forward.

"Stop, please Lucius. We're both boys…"

"Does it matter?" Lucius asked, mouth only inches away from Remus'. Remus felt as though his knees were hollow. Lucius was an attractive man to be sure and he was treating Remus as no one else had.

But then Severus' words came back to him.

_"He is very handsome. Anyone would jump at the chance to go to bed with him. Male or female."_

"Stop it!" he cried, pulling away from the mouth that moved softly against his neck. His hands pushed angrily on Lucius' chest in an effort to get him off.

"Please, get off!"

Lucius' fingers that had gently been stroking his hair suddenly tightened their grip, causing Remus' to gasp in pain.

"Just relax, " Lucius insisted. "You'll like it, luv. I promise."

The Slytherin positioned himself over the younger student, one knee between Remus' legs. He pushed it higher until it was pushing against his groin. Remus struggled, trying to free himself from Lucius' grip.

Angered by the attempts, Lucius raised his hand and struck Remus across the face. The smaller blonde whimpered as his head was knocked to the side. He bit the inside of his mouth, teeth tearing his flesh. The coppery tasting liquid entered his mouth as Remus blinked and looked back up at Lucius.

"Please…" he tried. " I don't want this, Lucius."

"You will…" Lucius murmured, hands still pulling at the Gryffindor's robes. At this point, he wasn't even looking at the younger student as he worked. His hands just moved quickly and efficiently, removing the outer layer of robes.

Remus' eyes stung with tears and he turned his head away from Lucius. He wrapped his hands in Lucius' pullover and tried to push him away. He was knocked away all too easily but Lucius who then held his wrists in one hand. His mouth was still moving against Remus' neck and the boy felt grateful that he had not yet tried to kiss him.

He was beginning to wonder if he'd be able to escape at all. Lucius was strong. Much stronger than Remus and the only advantage the wolf had was his small size. Maybe he could slip away…

He yelped when Lucius started to work on his khaki slacks, trying to unbutton them. He squirmed, trying to free his hands. If he could only free his _hands_…

Remus was startled by the sound of the common room door opening. He twisted his head to see who was entering, feeling like whoever it was had to be his own personal savoir. Lucius seemed to notice the very same thing, and he looked over his shoulder in the direction of the noise as well.

Remus felt his heart fall when he saw who it was.

Severus.

He was standing in the doorway, a surprised look on his thin face. He was carrying a bag over his shoulder. A few of its contents were spilling over the edges and to Remus they looked like ingredients to a potion. Severus was surveying the scene before him, disgust playing over his features.

"Severus!" Remus cried, straining against Lucius' firm hold.

"Severus, this is none of your concern. Go." Lucius ordered, eyes narrowing.

For a moment, Severus looked torn. He looked back at Remus who was trying to plead with his eyes. Then, Severus started walking. He walked right past the table where the two were entangled and continued on his way. Remus felt himself choke out a sob and slumped against Lucius, utterly giving in.


	8. Justice

Justice

I want to take his eyes out

Just for looking at you  
I want to take his hands off

Just for touching you  
I want to rip his heart out  
just for hurting you and I want  
to break his mind down  
yes I do

(Nickleback- Just For)

It was at the moment when Remus gave completely into his assault that Severus did something unexpected. The dark haired boy had walked right past the pair not only to give Lucius the false delusion that he'd leave them be, but also to get behind them. As Severus walked by the table, he carefully picked up one of the heavy books that rested there. Slowly, he placed his bag on a couch and turned back around.

The sight that greeted him made his insides crawl. Lucius was bent over Remus, still working on his pants. Remus wasn't moving save for his chest when he let out little whimpering sounds. Quietly as he could, Severus stalked back to the table, book in hand. He made his way behind Lucius and raised the book as high as he could with his injured arm.

He slammed it down with a sickening crack as it struck Lucius in the back of the head. He winced as the pain in his arm rippled through his small body. Ignoring it, he raised the book again. He'd never been this enraged before in his life. When he'd come back to the common room after collecting his ingredients and saw Lucius doing what he was, he felt sick. Sick to his stomach watching Remus' eyes as he pleaded for help.

The book shook in his trembling hands as he prepared to bring it down again.

Lucius whirled on him, effectively freeing Remus from his grip. The shaking wolf squirmed out from under him and moved as far away as he could. His robes were hanging off his shoulders exposing his white undershirt and scars on his shoulder. He kept trying to pull them back into place. His amber eyes were red from tears and Severus dropped the book in his hurry to back away from Lucius.

"You insolent little…" Lucius snarled, reaching out to grasp Severus' robes. His fine hair was coming out of the knot it was tied in and fell around his face which was contorted with anger.

Even as Lucius advanced on him, Severus felt a wave of relief. At least he'd been able to get Lucius away from Remus long enough for the fool to escape. The angry that burned in Lucius' eyes frightened Severus. He stumbled backwards into a large mahogany desk that was primarily used by their head of house. He fumbled with his pockets, trying to find his wand.

As he searched for it, Lucius grabbed him roughly around the collar. The taller man slammed him into the desk, knocking a few of the contents to the floor. Severus gasped and tried top pull away. He struggled briefly with the stronger man before breaking free. Severus moved backwards until he was next to the fire and reached once again for his only weapon.

He found it and unsteadily raised it to point at Lucius' chest. He watched as Lucius stopped in his tracks, eyes on the wand. Vaguely he was aware that Remus had moved so that he was next to Severus. His eyes were still red and he was not making a sound even as the tears still rolled out. Severus was proud of him for not giving Lucius the satisfaction of hearing him cry.

"Severus, lower your wand. Remus, _come here_," Lucius ordered, voice low. Beside him, Severus saw Remus shudder, moving closer to the dark haired man.

A few of the painting on the wall sneered at Severus and hissed with amusement. Their cruel eyes glinted wickedly against their canvases. Severus was growing more and more angry as they laughed at his situation.

Without hesitation, Severus reached with his free arm and pulled the wolf close to him protectively, Surprisingly, Remus did not resist him. In fact, the blond buried his face in Severus' chest. Feeling empowered, Severus tightened his hold and met Lucius' eyes.

"Stand down, Lucius. He's taken," he growled.

The long haired man seemed to study him for a moment before taking a step back. He raised his hands slightly and smiled.

"My apologies. I hadn't realized you'd already…staked your claim," he murmured, smile widening. By his look, Severus could tell that the older man was enjoying this. He enjoyed putting others in uncomfortable situations and he knew that Severus had not yes confessed his feelings about the wolf. Not even to himself.

"Well I have," Severus snarled, tightening his hold on his potions partner. The tall Gryffindor looked at him, eyes still a little red.

Lucius nodded, straightening his clothes. Severus dared to take his eyes off him for no more than a moment. Gently as he could, he nudged Remus to the still open door.

"Go. I'll be there…" he murmured, looking back to Lucius.

The sandy haired wolf nodded and headed out, stealing a glance back. Once Remus was safely out, Severus rounded on Lucius once more.

"You bloody bastard," he spat, eyes burning. "I should hex you into next millennium."

Lucius grinned at him, apparently not fazed at all by the threat. The look he was giving Severus made him feel increasingly uncomfortable.

"Poppet, you know you wouldn't do that."

"Wouldn't I?" Severus asked, feeling more and more like he would if the opportunity presented itself.

"Oh no, dearest," Lucius murmured, taking a step towards him. Severus moved back quickly and raised his wand higher, trying to be threatening. Lucius laughed and grabbed his wrist in a painful hold. Severus twisted, hissing in pain. He dropped his wand and felt his knees going weak under him.

"Don't even think of trying a stunt like that again, Severus. There are consequences for your behavior," Lucius warned, stooping to pick up the discarded wand. He twirled it in his fingers and pocketed it.

"You can collect this from me later this evening," he said, smirking to himself. He turned and walked gracefully to one of the large wooden doors and pushed it open, leaving Severus standing there, nursing his injured limb.

Swallowing hard, Severus turned and hurried out the door. He glanced around until he saw Remus standing awkwardly a little way down the corridor. The golden eyed youth was fussing with his robes, trying to pull them back into place. A few of the buttons seemed to be torn off and no matter how much he struggled with it, the robe would not stay as it should.

Severus walked over to him, taking off his cloak as he went. Remus looked up as he approached and furiously wiped a few stubborn tears away. Lowerign his gaze, Severus offered the other man his cloak to cover himself with. He watched as Remus gratefully accepted it and wrapped it tightly around himself.

A few minutes of silence seemed to last forever before Remus spoke.

"Severus…I…just wanted to thank you," he mumbled, not meeting his eyes.

"It was nothing. It was obvious that you needed assistance."

"Thank you all the same," Remus whispered, looking back at Severus.

"What?" Severus asked snappishly. He was feeling anxious and Remus' stare was making it worse.

"Um…did you mean what you said? When you, uh, said I was already…taken?"

Severus was startled. He'd only said that to make Lucius back down. Running his fingers through his hair, Severus gave him the best sneer he could manage.

"Excuse me? You must be joking. I meant nothing by it unless you're banging Black or Potter. I was simply trying to save you from your own stupidity."

The words sounded harsh, even to Severus. He was not surprised when Lupin looked down, eyes watering again. Oh for Merlin's sake, how often does one person need to cry? Even though he was angry at Lupin for his weakness, he still felt bad for being the one to make it happen.

"You berk…"Remus said, eyes lowered. "You...Do you feel anything for me at all?"

Severus was taken back by the question and didn't answer at first. Finally, he shook his head.

Remus let out a little strangled breath. "Of course not. How could I even think that you might? I'm so stupid…"

The blonde shook his head and shifted from one foot to the other. He slipped out of the cloak and handed it back to Severus, not looking at him.

"I should be going…thank you again," he muttered, beginning his long walk back to the Gryffindor Tower.

Severus could not find his voice as he watched him go. He doubted he would have been able to say the right words even if he had been able to speak. What was the use anyway? Even if he had been able to express his sentiments to the wolf, what would have changed? Nothing. He'd just be tied down to another person instead of looking out for himself. But still, the sight of Remus' retreating form caused his heart to clench.

As Severus turned to go back in to the Slytherin room, he felt sick. He felt like a prisoner about to get the Dementors kiss. Lucius was waiting for him. Waiting to punish him for what he'd done. What he'd done for Remus. At that moment, Severus decided that whatever Lucius dealt him, he could deal with if it meant that Remus would go one more day without pain.

Taking a deep breath, he whispered the password and crept in.


	9. The Attempt

The Attempt

A/N: Sorry about this everyone. When I wrote this chapter, I was half asleep. I didn't go back and edit it, so when I re-read it, I realized just how bad it sucked. I just went around editing and making it more coherent. I hope you enjoy the re-uploaded version.

Blowing kisses in the wind

Giving you love that you haven't been given

Cross my heart and hope to die

Only wishing you would love me like I do

Blowing kisses in the wind

Waiting waiting waiting

Waiting for you is

Like blowing blowing kisses

(Paula Abdul- Blowing Kisses)

"She fuckin' hexed me. Trust, she fuckin' hexed me. La la la love. I tried too hard and she tore my feelings like I had none and cursed them away!"

Remus winced as the charmed radio blared the angry music and James and Sirius danced to it. Their bodies moved and shimmied through the dorms and Remus rolled his eyes. The music wasn't at all to his taste, but everyone else seemed to be enjoying it, so he refrained from throwing the device against the nearest wall and smashing it to bits.

"That was Puddle of Polyjuice with 'She Fucking Hexed Me'" the announcer said. His voice was smooth and Remus was relieved that he was talking instead of that horrible song. He shook his head and grinned at Peter who smiled back and looked over at James and Sirius who were wiggling and dancing waiting for the next song to came on.

"And this next song is from a little known Wizard who prefers to be called, Sting," the announcer said as the music started. "And here he is with 'Every Thing She Does is Magic.'"

"Allllriiiiight!" Sirius cried, grabbing Remus around the waist and swinging him in the air. He laughed and threw his head back, hair flying away from his handsome face.

Remus yelped and squirmed as he was lifted off his feet. It was two days after his little encounter with Lucius, and the boys of Gryffindor were throwing a part to celebrate their recent victory over the Ravenclaw team. It was Saturday and the night was young so they gathered in the dorms for a pre-party celebration. All the 5th year and 6th year boys were there, along with a few stray younger and older ones. A few 7th years were talking quietly among themselves, wanting to move the party the common room.

Firewhiskey was being passed around in absurd quantities and Remus vaguely wondered how they got it. It was obvious that his long haired mate had had his fair share of the booze as he spun around, still holding Remus. The blonde laughed and squealed as Sirius continued to spin. In his mind, Remus knew that he really shouldn't be enjoying himself after what happened. But he couldn't help it. All the male energy that was radiating through the room was getting to him and he couldn't stop himself from having a good time.

He was relived to have Severus off his mind, but he still felt bad. He hadn't seen the other man in over 48 hours and he was worried about him.

Remus gasped for breath as Sirius dipped him like they were tangoing. The dark haired man laughed and rubbed his face against Remus'. The blonde grinned and pushed him away.

"Are you _drunk_, Sirius?" he asked, touching his friends hair.

Sirius smiled sloppily at him and kissed his forehead. "Nooo mate. I'm just happy," he slurred, releasing the blonde and dancing over to where James was standing with Benji Fenwick. The other boy handed him another firewhiskey and Sirius took a deep swig. He shook his head, eyes turning red.

"Every little thing she does is magic! Everything she do just turns me on. Even though my life before was tragic, you know my love her goes on!" Sting sang, voice rising over all the noise. Remus was glad the radio was playing something he could actually enjoy as well.

Feeling exhausted, the amber eyed boy pushed his way through the crowed of students. He wanted to get away from all the noise and relax because he hadn't been sleeping well the past few nights. He knew that James and Sirius would be pissed when they discovered he'd slipped away, but all the partying was just too much for him. After finally getting down the dorm stairs, Remus walked through the common room to where he'd set his star charts. He glanced at them and frowned when he saw that they were not complete.

He knew he'd have at least two hours before he had to be back in the tower, so he decided to head up to the astronomy tower to work. At least it would be quiet there. Remus picked up his charts and tucked them into his satchel.

At was about 20 minutes before he reached his destination. When he pushed the door open and stepped out into the warm October air, he paused. His ears picked up what appeared to be the sound of someone crying softly. He listened closely; the wind swirling and bringing the sound back to him.

Edging his way closer, Remus peered over a corner. "Hello? Is someone there?" he called.

It was too dark for him to see properly, and he began to second guess himself.

No one answered and he wondered if it was just his imagination or a ghost. He shivered despite the warmth of the air and moved closer still. "Hello?" he called again. The crying stopped abruptly and was replaced by the sounds of shuffling clothes. Finally, his eyes adjusted to the dark of the sky and he was able to make out the silhouette of someone standing on one of the guard rails. The person was attempting to climb over the railings. emus gasped and dropped his bag.

"Oh! Oh Merlin!" he cried. As quickly as he could, Remus ran towards to figure and wrapped his arms around its middle. The waist was thin and he had no trouble getting his arms around it.

The person in his arms startled struggling furiously, but Remus would not release them. He tightened his hold and pulled the person off the railing.

"Whatever it is, it's not worth it!" he shouted, still not letting go. Both still fighting with each other, they fell to the hard stone floor. The rocks beneath them were smooth from being treaded on, but it still hurt when they hit. For the first time in his life, Remus was grateful that he'd been bit by the wolf that night. If it had never happened, he never would have heard the soft sobs and the person beneath him would surely have taken the plunge and be dead right now. It was his heightened senses that brought him there in time.

"Please," he whispered. "Stop struggling!"

But the person did not stop struggling. Instead, they began to pound their fists on Remus' back painfully hard. Remus grabbed one of the thin wrists of the person who was hitting him and slammed it down. The person beneath him gasped and winced in pain. Startled, Remus pulled back to look at who it was.

"Get off of me, Lupin!"

Shocked, Remus released him and sat back. He was perched on the stomach of Severus Snape. His long hair was splayed under him and covered part of his gaunt face. His dark eyes glared up at Remus and the blonde could see they were red. Remus could not find any coherent words and Severus pushed at him, trying to force him off.

"What…were you doing?" Remus asked, still shocked.

"What did it look like? I was trying to learn to fly," Severus snarled, moving some his hair into his face.

"Severus, don't fuck with me!" Remus shouted, shaking the slight boy. His head wiped forward then back. His hair was tossed to the side and Remus could see the ugly bruises that marred his face. Remus stopped shaking him immediately and let him go.

"What happened to you?" he whispered, feeling awful for shaking him so. He hadn't meant to hurt Severus, but he was just so angry that the other boy was acting the way he was.

"Nothing. God damn you, Lupin. Let me up," Severus snarled, still straining against him.

Remus shook his head and positioned himself so that Severus' arms were pinned under his knees. "Don't lie to me, Severus." He touched the other man's face gently, not wanting to hurt him. "What are you doing up here?"

"This is the highest tower besides the owlery, but that's locked at night," Severus answered, matter of factly. Remus was surprised by how lightly the other man was talking about it.

"Severus, why?" he murmured, feeling suddenly very ill.

"Why shouldn't I?" the other boy spat, mouth twisted into a sneer.

Remus couldn't even speak. Here Severus was, trying to kill himself and he was acting as though it was no big deal.

Severus turned his face away and continued. "Besides, it not like anyone would even care. So kindly let me up so that I might finish what I started."

Remus couldn't tear his eyes away from the bruises on his partners face and suddenly felt sick to his stomach. Fighting a wave of nausea, Remus snapped at him. "Severus, that's not true! There are plenty of people who-"

"Oh please. Don't even start. Like who? Black and Potter would have a celebration, I'm sure. All the other students wouldn't even notice until they started passing out the flyers to the party."

"Severus! Stop that! I'd care!" Remus growled, shifting a little. How could Severus even be talking like that? What had happened to him in the past 48 hours that would make him feel this way? To make him even considering ending a life that had barely started in the first place?

But Severus didn't have a clever remark for him when he spoke. Instead, he lay passively under him and let out a breath. "You'd care? Right." He turned and looked back up at Remus, eyes burning. "Do you enjoy this? Enjoy holding me down, against my will? Having your cock pressing against me, forcing me to feel it? Is that what you care about?"

Startled and feeling disgusted, Remus pulled away from him. "Severus, why would you say that? You know I'd never-"

"Of course not. Not Saint Lupin. What are you going to tell me next? That I'll like it? That it won't hurt a bit?" Severus spat at him, still gazing up at him with those angry eyes.

"What are you talking about, Severus? I'd never do that to you! I'd never even think about it!" Remus shouted, his own eyes beginning to water. Angrily, he got off of the thinner boy and wiped his eyes with his hand.

Severus sat up, eyes glued to him. Remus didn't even care that he was crying. He was more upset about being accused of trying to sexually assault Severus. All he'd wanted to do was help him, and now he'd only made things worse. What would give Severus the impression that that was what he wanted to do to him? He choked out a sob and cursed himself for being so weak.

He was startled when Severus touched his arm.

"Lupin, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

"It's fine!" Remus hissed, trying not to let the Slytherin see his tears.

"Lupin…."

"No. Just forget it ok?" he sniffed, rubbing his eyes again. "But…can you tell me why you said that? I mean, I never meant you any ill will…"

"No. You never have," Severus assured him. He lowered his gaze and didn't raise it again. "I spoke out of place. I'm sorry. I regret that I said anything."

"I just don't understand why you would even think that!" Remus cried, turning to face him. "Severus, I care about you! But I know that you have no feelings for me. I'm sorry if you think it's weak, it's just…" he was cut of by another sob and he buried his face in his hands. He was so furious with himself for acting like this in front of Severus. He'd always seen him as a strong person who would never act so childish.

He did not expect what happened next. Severus touched his arm and pulled it away from his face. The thin boy looked down at their intertwined hands, then back into Remus' blotchy face.

"Remus…" he whispered, leaning close to him.

Not sure what he was going to do, Remus sat motionless. That was the first time Severus had ever called him by his proper name. Even though he was sure Severus hadn't meant to, it made Remus happy that he had. He watched as Severus shifted his position and raised his head to look at him.

The blonde turned his head a little so that their mouths were very close. Then he leaned forward and captured Severus is a kiss. The first kiss they shared was bittersweet and over far too soon. Remus pulled away, a little embarrassed. He hadn't meant to kiss Severus and he felt guilty for wanting to do it again.

Feeling ashamed for acting on his own wants without even consulting Severus, Remus lowered his gaze. Even though he felt bad for what he did, his stomach tightened, telling him to do it again. He touched Severus' face and rested his other hand on the thin boy's hip. Slowly, he pulled him forward to meet his lips again. To his disappointment, the other man pulled away.

"No. You don't want to, trust me."

"Yes I do," Remus replied, confused as to why Severus wouldn't let him. He was hurt by the reaction, especially since Severus had seemed to enjoy it.

"No, you don't," Severus assured him. "I mean, you don't want me after…"

"After…what?" Remus asked, not being sure that he wanted to hear the answer.

Severus lowered his gaze and tried to pull away from the blond. Remus did not want to let him go, but he allowed it. He didn't want Severus to think he was trying to force himself on him. Finally, Severus took a deep breath and spoke.

"He kissed me. More than that. He…he held me down and he…forced me to…he made me go down on him. He made me take him in my mouth and…and then he… he…Lucius…he fucked me." Severus choked out, not meeting the wolfs eyes.

"He's done it before, too. All the time. At first, he told me I'd like it. He promised me that he loved me and…"

Remus was unsure of what to do. He touched Severus' bruised arm and face, realization dawning on him.

"Did he…do this too?"

"Yes. He beats me for disobeying. For disrespecting him. It gives him some sick pleasure I guess because he's always hard afterwards and then he-"

"You don't have to tell me," Remus said. The truth was he just didn't want to hear what it was Lucius did to Severus. But in his mind, he was sure that it would have been him in Severus' place now if the other man hadn't rescued him. He had helped Remus even though he knew what would happen to him. Remus timidly put his arms around the small boy's body and pulled him close. To his relief, Severus slowly put his arms around him as well.

"How long?" Remus managed to ask, face buried in Severus' hair.

"Years," the other man answered.

"And then…two days ago…?"

"Same thing…" Severus replied, still holding onto Remus.

With new conviction, Remus tightened his hold around the frail boy and kissed his hair.


	10. First Steps

First Steps

A/N: Thank you so much to all the reviewers! I really appreciate the feedback and I mean that. I'm really glad so many people like it, and I'll be trying to update ASAP. Please bear with me, as schools getting a little hectic and I'm in a partial hospitalization program. I'll try my hardest, though.

Special thanks to murielmodel88 and Morena Evensong. You two are wonderful. Everyone else, I love you all just as much. 3

Through this world I've stumbled

So many times betrayed

Trying to find an honest word

To find the truth enslaved

Oh you speak to me in riddles

And you speak to me in rhyme

My body aches to breathe your breath

Your words keep me alive

(Sarah Mclachlan-Possession)

For a long time, Severus just sat in the astronomy tower, allowing Remus to hold and kiss him. The feeling of the wolfs fingers stroking his hair offered him some small amount of comfort. But even as Remus kissed him so tenderly and held him in his arms so carefully, Severus felt unbearably guilty. Guilty and dirty.

To him, it was unbelievable that anyone would be willing to hold him so gently. All he could think about was Lucius. All he could remember was his controlling ways and the nights spent in his bed. Severus shuddered and buried his face in Remus' shoulder. The other man nuzzled him softly and Severus closed his eyes. Even as Remus rested his own head on Severus' arm, all Severus could think about was what it felt like when Lucius fucked him. When Lucius placed the curse on him.

The moment that his blood vessels ruptured as searing pain raced through his arm. It swelled, throbbed and wouldn't heal. It still hurt despite the fact that Remus was doing everything he could to avoid touching it.

He wasn't sure how long they were together, just talking, kissing, and exploring one another. They must have fallen asleep there, because the next thing Severus was aware of was a cool wind rustling his hair. He blinked and raised his head. Rubbing his eyes, he looked down at Remus. The taller boy was curled up on his side, hair adorable rumpled. His lips were parted as he breathed deeply. Severus sighed, looked up and squinted as the sun rose above the castle wall.

Scooting closer to Remus, he touched his arm. "Lupin…Hey, Lupin. Remus!" he said, shaking him. "Wake up. It's morning."

Remus stirred a little and looked up at him with blurry eyes. His amber gaze was fixed on him with a look of confusion. Slowly, Remus sat up. His white tee-shirt was stained with dirt from the floor. Yawning, he struggled to stand.

"What time is it?" he mumbled, rubbing his own eyes tiredly.

"I don't know. Past 6, at least," Severus explained, looking at the shadows that were being cast around them.

Remus nodded, but didn't look concerned. Severus, on the other hand, felt the first prickling of anxiety. He quickly gathered his robes and hurried into them. Remus seemed to be looking at him with curiosity.

"What's the rush? It's Sunday. No one comes up here at 6 in the morning anyway. Besides, if Filtch didn't catch us last night, why would he right now?" Remus asked, leaning against the railing to look out over the courtyard.

His sandy colored hair was whipped away from his face as a powerful gust blew up at him. The blonde laughed and spread his arms wide, throwing his head back. Severus was confused. What was so funny? After watching Remus spin in circles, still laughing, he figured that the wolf was just happy, not amused.

A few more minutes passed without Severus being able to tear his eyes away from Remus. His supple body was clearly outlined by his tight shirt and form fitting slacks. Severus felt a wave of desire for him. Ashamed, he finally looked away. Remus didn't seem to notice. Instead, he ran to where Severus was standing and scooped him up into his powerful arms. Startled, Severus allowed him to.

"It's a beautiful day, Severus!" Remus exclaimed. "Let's go for a walk or something. The lake is lovely and the ground is still shimmering with dew. I never get to see it like this, so please. Let's go."

At first, Severus wanted to object. It was far too early to be wandering around the grounds and they were sure to get scolded. But Remus' pleading eyes finally convinced him to throw away his anticipation and just do it. He nodded, and Remus' smile brightened. He really did have a beautiful smile, and Severus wondered why he never noticed it before.

Cautiously, they walked together down to the courtyard and over to the lake. There were no students or faculty around, so Severus found himself being able to relax for the first time in a long while.

Despite all of Lupin's chattering, Severus found that lying under the trees with him was quite enjoyable. They had picked a beautiful birch with just a few of it's leaves gone to rest under. Lying there, looking up into the branches, Severus began to think. He thought about why it was he was able to put up with everything he'd been through. Why he was still alive. Last night, Remus had asked him if he believed in fate. At the time, he'd said no. But now that he thought about it, it started to make more sense to him.

Severus had never been one to fall blindly for what people told him. He'd always been a skeptical boy with doubts and questions. But he wondered about that now. If Lucius hadn't done what he had, Severus wouldn't have been in the astronomy tower last night. If Lucius hadn't done what he had, neither would have Remus. Remus would have stayed at the party because he would have gotten his work done sooner. And if Remus hadn't been bitten by the wolf, Severus would never have paid any attention to him in the first place. And if he hadn't been bitten by the wolf, Severus would not have walked into the common room that night.

Thinking about everything, he closed his eyes. Severus felt Remus stir next to him. The taller boy was leaning over him, but Severus paid him no mind He sighed and rested his arms behind his head. He opened his eyes and smiled as Remus pecked him on the cheek. He looked into his eyes for a long time before speaking.

"I'm glad I met you."

"I am too," Remus murmured, playing with a lock of his hair. It was a childish habit that Severus assumed he'd had all his life. He'd first noticed it when they were in 4rth year and Remus had been tugging on his hair in potions class. Unfortunately for the blond, he'd tugged out a loose strand and it had fallen into his cauldron. The potion he'd been trying to make, instead of making a relaxation serum, had created a drought that made his arms burn and sizzle. It had become a powerful acid. Severus realized now that it was because it was a werewolf hair that had been added to the mix. Anyone else's would have been fine, but Remus had the misfortune to have his own fall in. He'd spent the next few days in the hospital wing, trying to re-grow his skin.

Severus sat up and looked at Remus. The other boy tilted his head questioningly. Severus felt he needed to give Remus no explanation for his sudden action. Instead, he leaned forward and kissed him roughly. Remus seemed startled, but he melted into the touch easily. Severus carefully entangled his fingers in Remus' hair. Remus placed a hand on Severus' stomach and began making circles around his naval. Severus gasped, but tried to concentrate on the task at hand.

When the kiss was finally over, it was because Severus' stomach had growled in protest, and Remus felt it. The Gryffindor laughed and sat back, leaning on the tree. Severus slowly removed his hand from the blonde's hair and saw with satisfaction that he'd managed to get a few strands of loose hair. Carefully, he put them in his pocket so he didn't loose them. Success was close at hand.

"Shall we head back?" Remus asked, still looking at Severus. "You must be hungry."

"Oh, yes. I am," Severus confirmed. The both stood and tried to brush the moisture off their robes, unsuccessfully. Sighing in resignation, Severus began walking back to the castle, still wet. He jerked a little when Remus ran to catch up with him and took his hand. Severus glanced down and couldn't help the smile that was threatening to creep onto his face. He squeezed the wolfs hand softly, and together they walked back to the entrace.


	11. Beijos Envenenados

Beijos Envenenados

A/N: Thanks to everyone who's been reading this. I'm sorry I've been lagging behind recently. I was caught up with finishing my other story. I should be back on track soon.

There's a place off Ocean Avenue  
Where I used to sit and talk with you  
We were both 16 and it felt so right  
Sleeping all day, staying up all night  
Staying up all night

(OCEAN AVENUE- Yellowcard)

It was exhilarating. Holding Severus' hand, kissing him, just being with him. It was amazing to Remus. He'd wanted this so bad for so long, that now that it was his, he didn't know what to do. Of course, there was still Lucius and the hex to think about. He supposed he could study up on it, but he'd need access to the restricted section of the library. He knew he could probably get a pass from his head of house or even from Madame Piffler. Both of them loved Remus and wouldn't question his reasons.

He wanted to start working on the counter-curse ass soon as possible. He knew that Severus was still suffering and he wanted to get rid of the pain right away. There was no reason for him to keep suffering in quiet while they were together. Now that Severus had someone to depend on rather than only having himself like he'd had for most of his life. Hell, he might even start to open up and be able to trust again. At least, that was Remus' hope.

After splitting up with Severus at the main entrance, the blonde hurried up the stairs to the common room. It didn't look like anyone was awake yet, so he knew he had plenty of time to find McG. He went up to the dorms and took off his dirty shirt. He picked up a blue sweater and pulled it on. He wiggled out of his khakis and slipped on a pair or black corduroy slacks. He examined himself briefly in a mirror. He looked good.

Cheerfully, he walked back out and went out to find his head of house. First, he checked the dinning hall just in case she'd stopped in to get a bite to eat. The only people there were the Slytherin team, preparing for an early morning practice. Remus sighed and decided to try the teachers lounge. He found her there with Hooch and Vector.

"Excuse me, ah, Professor? May I talk with you?"

She looked at him and nodded. Rising to her feet, she strode out of the room and into the hall with him.

"What is it, Lupin?" she asked, cleaning off her glasses.

"I need a pass to the restricted section of the library. I'm a little behind on my studies and I was wondering if you could help me out?"

"Ah, well, or course Remus. Here," she motioned him over and jotted down a little note for him. "Study hard, as this note is only good for a limited amount of time."

"OF course, ma'am. I will," he promised earnestly. She nodded and sent him on his way. Excited, he practically skipped to the library and handed the note to Madame Piffler. She looked it over and smiled at him.

"Remus, dear, you may stay as long as you like. You know where the lanterns and step ladders are, I assume?"

"Yes Ma'am," he replied. Being library aide had it's benefits after all. He smiled at her and went over to the restricted section. Since he had stocked these selves over and over, he had some idea of where to begin. After all, starting at the top with "Annihilate you allies" and working his way down seemed pointless. He had to look at the most likely choices first.

It took several hours before he found the right book, despite his research skills. It was called "Old magic for hand to hand contact". The curse he wanted was on page 483. The curse was called 'Qudongni'. It was created by an ancient wizard from China. It was a curse that could be used with hand on skin contact and it's purpose was to rupture the blood vessels of the infected area. It would spread over time. It was quite effective when placed on the chest, as it would attack the heart.

The counter-curse looked difficult and Remus wasn't sure if he'd be able to handle it. He quickly wrote it down and put the book back. The paper in his hand felt unusually heavy as he carried it. He blew out the lantern he'd been using and placed it back on its own shelf. Remus wasn't even sure this was the right curse, but it was the only one that even sounded close. Hopping it was the right one, Remus headed out of the library and started walking back to the dining hall.

The scarred boy looked around until he spotted Severus. Once again, the boy was hunched over a stack of books, writing something down. The long haired Slytherin was so engrossed with what he was reading that he didn't even look up when Remus walked over. Remus was a few steps away from him when he stopped. He was able to read a few titles of the books Severus was reading, and he felt sick.

"Lycaprosy", "Werewolves and their Kind", "Dangerous and Deadly Creatures", and "Killing to Live".

Why Severus was reading these books, Remus didn't know. Perhaps he had a paper to do or something. Remus cleared his throat and Severus jumped. The dark haired man immediately took the books off the table and stuffed them into his satchel. Well, that wasn't very encouraging to Remus.

"Remus!"

"Hullo, Severus," he said, eyes narrowing, suspicion rising. If he'd only been studying for a paper, why was he acting so guilty? "What were you doing?"

"Oh, nothing," Severus said, still straightening his things.

"I see…" Remus said, not believing him. "Look, I have to work on something, but can I see you later?" he asked.

"Of course. What time?" Severus asked.

"I'll owl you later, if that's ok."

"That's fine…" Severus said. By the tone of his voice, Remus could tell he was feeling insecure.

"I'll owl you soon. Promise," he assured him, squeezing his hand. Severus smiled up at him and Remus felt his doubts melting away. Whatever Severus was doing, it was alright.

On his way out, Remus grabbed a piece of toast and a muffin. He grinned to himself and headed to the room of requirement. There was everything he needed to practice his counter-curse safely. But there was also a quill, parchment, and a small brown owl. The owl hooted at him and rubbed its head against his hand. Remus stroked it and picked up the quill. It was obvious that a part of him wanted to write Severus right away. Sighing to himself, he sat down at the desk and started working.

_Dearest Severus,_

_I'm sorry I left so abruptly, but I had a few things I had to tend to. Believe me, I want to see you. Can you meet me in the Charms hall at about 7?IF you can't, please owl me back. _

_Yours,_

_Remus_

Remus sealed the letter with some melted wax and rolled it up. Feeling pleased with himself, he attacked it to the small screech owl's leg. It hooted at him again and flew out the window that had suddenly appeared. Remus watched it go and returned to the task at hand.

A/N: I'm really sorry to all the reader who were reading "food for thought". That's not at all how I intended to end it, but I got a little discouraged when a reviewer said they didn't like my idea. I want to get back to it and write an alternate ending. If anyone is interested in me doing that, please let me know. If no one is interested, I won't do it. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Love you guys!


	12. The Reasons Why

The Reasons Why

A/N: Wow, did I die or something? Sort of feels like that because it's taken forever and a day for me to update this. I'm really sorry about the delay; I hope I still have readers. I have been working on college essays and my co-author and sister is away at Bowling Green right now. I am trying to get her to beta and edit and add whatever she wants, but she's got tons of things to do. Every time I IM her, I get her telling me that "I'm busy! Call me later and I'll do it!" This has been happening for months people, I am trying my hardest though. If you want to IM me, my AIM name is KLoire and Lynn's is BraveEyedGirl, You know, just in case you want to get in contact with us.

Someone badger her into writing! I need my sister's help on this! Really!

The smoke is rising in the shadows overhead  
my glass is almost empty  
I read again between the lines upon the page  
the words of love you sent me  
If I could know within my heart that you were lonely too  
I would be happy just to hold the hands I love  
upon this winter night with you

(Sarah Mclachlan - Song For A Winter's Night)

The Owl didn't arrive until 10 till 7. Just the kind of luck Severus always had. Cursing under his breath, he hastily cleared the table he'd been working on. Carefully, so that none of his data was lost, Severus placed the books and parchment in a locked drawer located within a hidden compartment in the ageing wood. Satisfied that his work was safe, Severus hurried to his dorm room to change.

He would have been content to shuffle through his things till he found something suitable, but knowing he was running on limited time, Severus quickly pulled out a black silk shirt and worn slacks. Once changed, he made his way to the charms hall in record time. Standing about 200 feet away, waiting, was Remus. He'd obviously tried to groom his unruly hair, but the mane of gold would not lie still. It was rumpled and looked somewhat windblown, despite that fact that they were in a building. His white shirt was un-tucked and fell easily over his loose fitting khakis.

Remus glanced around, as if sensing Severus' presence. When he saw him, although 15 minutes late to their appointed time, he smiled warmly. The blond shifted his weight from left to right foot, and started walking towards Severus. The dark haired youth ran a finger through his smooth locks and moved towards his tanned friend. When Severus was close enough to touch Remus, he glanced around uneasily. No one was in the hall, but he still felt wary. His feelings of apprehension were quickly wiped from his mind when he felt Remus take his hand in his own.

Severus felt the rough calluses brush against his skin as Remus squeezed his hand and whispered, "Want to get out of here?" His voice was soft and slightly raspy, as though he hadn't spoken all day.

He nodded and Remus tugged his hand, encouraging him to follow. As they walked, Severus couldn't help but feel a little uncomfortable. If Lucius found out, he was sure to be punished for his insolence. The Slytherin Common room and table had been tense ever since their last encounter and Severus did not want to push his luck by being seen holding Remus' hand. Ever since the incident, Severus had been receiving comments of 'traitor' and 'ponce' from fellow Slytherins including Alecto, Bellatrix, Rodolphus, Rabastan, and Regulus. It made him nervous to know that Lucius manipulated so many of his house mates and could turn them against him at any moment. Despite his worries, he squeezed back tenderly and continued on his stride towards the campus grounds.

As the pair continued on their way, Severus thought about his research and about the smell of Remus' cologne. It was sweet and Severus enjoyed it very much, but it made him wish he'd put some on. He didn't think about the fact that he'd been in the common room all day and probably didn't smell very appealing. He was just used to the dank smell of the dungeons and the sultry scent of Lucius. The change of pace was nice and Severus felt sure that he could adjust to this new routine easily.

The dark haired boy glanced at Remus, wondering if he felt awkward about the previous night. It was obvious that something was on his mind, as he hadn't spoken since they began their walk. Severus searched his memory, wondering if he'd done something to cause this sudden change in behavior. It came to him that Remus may have seen the texts he was looking through at breakfast, and he wondered if he'd somehow wounded the wolf by having them in plain view. But Remus had not asked about them, so Severus thought it best to just not mention the incident.

As they entered the courtyard, Severus released the blonde's hand and seated himself on a cool granite bench. Remus did not meet his eyes as he sat, and Severus knew something was troubling him. He considered asking outright what it was, but he was afraid it would sound too harsh. Instead, he lowered his gaze to the ground and began wringing his hands together. From the corner of his eye, he saw Remus look at him.

"Are you alright?" the wolf asked, gazing at him.

"I'm fine," he replied, not looking up. In reality, he was not fine. The entire day he was in the common room he'd dealt with Lucius brushing past him, intentionally hurting his arm and the occasional whisper of 'I'll see you tonight, luv.'

Severus was relieved that Remus did not push the issue, but instead concentrated on adjusting his clothes. They sat in silence for a long while before Remus spoke.

"Our potion is coming along nicely, don't you think?"

"Yes, it's fine," Severus replied, just a little too formally.

It felt as though the silence would last forever. Fortunately, Remus was not one to keep quiet when he had things on his mind. He turned to the shorter boy and began again.

"Severus, you are acting strangely. Are you sure you're all right?"

Severus considered this for a moment before answering. "Yes, my arm is just feeling a little off. It feels as though it's spread to my shoulder. It's just uncomfortable is all…"

He didn't want to let the golden eyed boy know that the pain had increased since the previous night and he didn't want to show him that it _was_ spreading. When he'd changed that morning, Severus saw that it was growing and that it was creeping down his collar towards his breast plate. He was beginning to wonder if he would have to go to Lucius to have it removed. It made his stomach turn to think about crawling back to him, to think about begging for his help. But his chest was feeling constricted, and it was becoming a little harder to breath. Severus turned his face away from Remus, ashamed that he was even thinking about Lucius while he was near the Gryffindor.

Remus' gaze did not shift from its position on the dark eyed boy's face. He leaned forward so that his own head was resting against Severus' good shoulder. He closed his eyes and breathed out slowly.

"I'm sorry for your pain…"

"It's fine," Severus replied shortly, not wanting Remus to feel sorry for him.

"You know, I was looking it up today. I think I have the counter curse, but I don't know if I can perform it."

At this new development, Severus turned to him. "What…?"

"I mean, it sounded like it matched the description, but I'm just not sure. Do you know specifically what he used on you?" Remus asked, shifting his head so that the smooth skin of his face was touching Severus'.

"No, I don't."

"Do you think you could…"

"Could what?"

"No, never mind. I don't want you to have to go near him again," Remus said with conviction. "I can figure it out on my own."

So that was it. Remus wanted Severus to see if he could get Lucius to slip up and tell him what he'd done to him. Severus shut his eyes, trying to calm his stomach. He could feel Remus breathing softly, still resting against him. Severus knew that it was the logical thing to do…to trick Lucius into saying it, just once. He made up his mind and sat up.

Remus blinked sleepily up at him, confusion apparent in his features. Severus ducked his head and kissed the wolf softly.

"We should be on our way, classes tomorrow…"

"Oh, yes," Remus said, sitting up.

Severus stood and turned to Remus who yawned and rose as well. He was beautiful, Severus decided as he watched him stretch, mouth still open from the yawn. Remus seemed to notice the attention he was getting from Severus and he smiled. Slowly, he walked towards him and cupped the smaller boy's thin face carefully, trying not to bruise it further. Then, he gave Severus the sweetest, gentlest kiss he'd ever had.

A little breathless, Severus looked at him and felt a pang of guilt for what he was going to do.

"Shall we?" Remus asked, looking to the doors.

"Yes…" Severus answered, trying to keep his voice from cracking. Remus did not seem to notice and as they walked in, Severus felt a chill sweep over him despite his warm robes.

The common room was quite as he walked through it. He could feel the eyes of his house mates on him as he approached the table where Lucius sat with Rabastan and Alecto. Severus cleared his throat and stood, face turned downwards. The conversation between the three 7th years stopped and they all looked at him.

"Yes…?" Lucius asked, trying to sound as though he didn't know what this was about.

"Lucius…May I talk to you…in your dorm?" he murmured, still not looking up.

The pale male exchanged smiles with Alecto and Rabastan and looked back to Severus who was still refusing to meet his eyes.

"Of course love…I'll be up in a moment. Why don't you go and wait for me?" he suggested.

Severus felt a wave of nausea wash over him as he nodded. The climb to the 7th year dorms seemed like the longest walk he'd ever had to make. Waiting for Lucius to come up was even worse. When the lanky blond finally did enter, he had a cruel smile on his face. Severus had to keep himself from recoiling at his touch.

"What was it you wanted?" Lucius asked, stroking the younger man's hair.

Severus couldn't bring himself to answer. He finally looked up, keeping his expression stoic. He leaned forward and kissed Lucius softly, trying to keep his expression from changing. Lucius was studying him intently and Severus was sure he could see right though his plan. However, the older man cupped a hand around the back of Severus' head, wrapping his fingers painfully tight in his hair. He jerked his head back roughly and kissed him hard.

This, Severus could handle. It wasn't until Lucius backed him up onto the bed that he felt the last of his pride dissolve in him. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine that it was Remus instead of Lucius who was perched on top of him, removing his clothes.


	13. Jealousy

Jealousy

A/N: I'm not even going to try and remember how long it's been since I last posted on this story. In this chapter, Sirius knows more than Remus is comfortable with, having some painful and humiliating results for both Severus and Remus.

We grew up way to fast and now there's nothing to believe

And re-runs all become our history

A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio

And I won't tell no one your name

I won't tell em your name

(NAME- Goo goo dolls)

When Remus awoke the morning after his walk with Severus, it was to the sight of Sirius staring at him, dark eyes wide. Gasping in surprise, Remus drew back a little too swiftly, slamming his knees into the solid oak of the desk he sat at. Several of his well organized notes fluttered to the ground while the rest we stained black with the ink Remus had knocked over in his haste to back away from the intently staring eyes of his friend. Sirius straightened himself up and smiled cheekily.

"Morning Sunshine."

He smiled brightly, kneeling down to scoop up the notes that had fallen to the common room floor while Remus muttered a charm to remove the spilled ink from his work and the desk. Shaking his head to clear it of sleep, he turned to his dark haired mate and looked at him quizzically. Obviously he'd fallen asleep studying, but to be woken up by _Sirius _of all people was not something he'd ever expected to experience.

"What time is it?" he mumbled, rubbing his blurry eyes.

"Six Twenty. Thought you might want to get a bite to eat before classes, am I right mate?" Sirius asked, looking at Remus with an expression somewhere between being over pleased and completely disgusted.

"Er, yeah. I just have to get cleaned up…" Remus trailed off, not trying to comprehend the look his longtime friend was giving him. He backed up slightly as Sirius moved closer to him. Too close. The taller Gryffindor's body was nearly pressed against his, faces close enough to touch. Remus inhaled deeply to speak, but Sirius cut him off before a sound could pass his lips.

"Of course. Clean up. Then come down."

He took a step back, giving Remus the space he needed to pass him. As Sirius walked, he turned again.

"Oh, and hurry. Everyone's waiting for you."

"Yeah, sure. I'll be down soon Sirius…"

The other man nodded and slipped out the portrait hole, leaving Remus alone once more. The blond man sighed, letting out the shuddering breath he hadn't know he'd been holding. What was all that about? Sirius was never really one to invade his privacy, especially his personal space. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Remus gathered his things and made the long climb back to the dorms to get changed. He pulled on a pair of clean robes, the ones he bought after his last run-in with Lucius. The very thought made him shudder in against himself as he walked to the Great Hall.

When he walked in, he was startled to find almost the entire Gryffindor house already present. As he passed, a few of his house-mates shook their heads as if to say they were sorry. James, Remus noted, didn't meet his eyes at all. Confused and a little nervous, he sat next to Peter, wondering where Sirius had gone. Hadn't he said he'd be waiting? As he opened his mouth to ask, the great hall's doors opened again, exposing Sirius strutting in, a small figure in tow behind him. To Remus' horror, he recognized the figure as Severus.

"Oi, look what I found skulking about the portrait entrance!" he exclaimed, followed by a several boos and hisses from the other Gryffindors. Remus rose to his feet, hands planted firmly on the table and Sirius drug the other man closer to the table. That was when James looked at Remus for the first time that morning, hand touching his shorter friends arm. Remus barley glanced at him because it was then he knew. James had known what was going to happen. That's why he hadn't met his eyes earlier. Angered, he jerked his arm away from the contact.

Sirius had successfully dragged Severus to the table by now and released him. Stuffing his hand into his pocket, he pulled out a piece of parchment that looked a little worse for ware. Holding it high in the air, he began speaking a voice loud enough for most of the hall to hear.

"This," he said, holding the parchment higher," is an owl I received from my brother just last night. It says here that Severus Snape has been planning to and made attempts to fuck one of our own house. In fact, it says that the one he plans on fucking is one of my best mates," Sirius snarled, eyes moving from the crowd to Remus, who swallowed hard. When he made no move to deny the letter's claim, Sirius continued.

"It also says that Snape here is not the blushing virgin you see before you," he growled, shoving Severus forward, so that he tripped and fell before the table of judging and accusing eyes.

"It claims that he's fucked a good portion, almost half in fact, of the Slytherin upperclassmen." Sirius turned to the smaller man and in a more private tone spat "fucking slut" at him.

Remus pulled himself from the table and stalked towards his friend, eyes burning, face hot. What did he think he was doing? What right did he have to expose Severus in such a manner? And why weren't Severus' housemates helping him? Turning to the Slytherin table, he saw the few faces there, smiling amongst themselves, watching Severus' torment but not raising a finger to assist him. Anger…no, rage, blossomed in Remus' chest as he pushed past his own house to face Sirius.

"What are you doing?"

"Just warning everyone that this one's not safe to be left alone near them."

"Sirius, stop it. Let him go."

"No."

At that simple word, Remus felt something in him change. He'd been hoping to end this as quickly as he could, but Sirius seemed possessed by some madness that made it all but impossible to reason with him. A small sound drew Remus from his thoughts and he looked down to see Severus still kneeling on the floor. Quickly, Remus fell to his knees to help the other boy up. But before he could touch him, Sirius had grabbed him by the back of his robe and drug him to his feet again. Being smaller in both height and weight, Severus looked utterly helpless in Sirius's grasp. Rising to his feet, Remus moved so that he was nearly touching noses with Sirius. His hand raised, finding his friends firm hold against Severus' robes, he closed his fingers around Sirius'.

"Please. Stop it Sirius. You're acting mad. Just let him alone" he whispered so that only he, Sirius, and Severus could make out the words that slipped past his mouth. Sirius looked at him, eyes penetrating him as deep as any knife could. Finally, the grip under Remus' hand loosened and let Severus fall once again to the floor. Sirius never broke eye contact with Remus, even as he backed away. Finally, turning on his heel, he strode out, crumpling up his brother's owl and throwing it down as he left.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Remus snarled over his shoulder at the remaining observers who'd been too stupid to leave when Sirius did. "What the fuck are _you_ looking at? Show's _over_."

Slowly, he kneeled next to Severus and helped gather his partner's fallen possession. His hand stopped over a piece of parchment that had the same curse scrawled on his that Remus had looked up the counter-curse to only yesterday. Quickly, he pocketed it and helped Severus to his feet.

"You alright?" he whispered, face very near the other boys so that no one else could hear. Gently, he tucked a stray lock of black hair behind the frailer man's ear and led him out of the Great Hall.

It seemed strange to him that during the whole ordeal, Severus had never once spoken or raised a hand to his own defense. Remus worried over the idea that he might be bespelled and tried to ask Severus if this was the case. The smaller man only shook his head and looked away, not meeting his tender lover's gaze. Feeling dejected and hurt, Remus led Severus to the lavatory they had come to the first time he'd learned about the hex. Blessedly, it was empty and Remus set his companion's books on a nearby shelf. Glancing behind him, he saw Severus running water over a towel as he slipped his disfigured arm out of the robe. Remus stared, taken aback. The book was right. The curse was spreading. Not it was covering not just the arm, but part of the shoulder, chest, and was creeping towards the neck.

"Merlin, are you alright?" he hadn't even thought about Sirius' abuse of the arms and he pulled and threw Severus around.

The long haired man nodded and placed the towel over the wound to cool the pain that must have burned there. Remus watched him nurse his wounds for a few more minutes in silence before taking out the scribbled note he'd found and held it out for Severus to see.

"Where did you get this?" he questioned, trying to keep his voice for taking on the accusing tone he knew it would have.

"Lucius," Severus answered simply, still running the cloth over his arm.

"Severus….did he hurt you?" Remus asked, almost afraid to know the answer

"No," Severus replied softly. He jerked back slightly when Remus touched him.

"Don't worry. I'll manage the counter-curse. I swear it."

By resolve in his voice, Remus hoped Severus believed him. Hoped that at least one of them did. To his dismay, Severus looked at him with question in his eyes. Skeptical, cold, and unbearably sad. Unsure if it was to comfort himself of Severus, Remus leaned forward to kiss his slender lover, only to he hurt when Severus ducked away, averting his eyes.

"I have to go… I'll see you in class," Severus murmured, gathering his things in his one good arm and hurrying away before Remus could stop him.

The blond wrapped his arms around himself, feeling very cold all of a sudden. A wave of nausea rolled over him, making him shudder despite the fact he'd eaten nothing since the previous night.


	14. The First Time

The first time

A/N: THIS CHAPTER CONTAIN SEX BUT IS NOT EXPLICAT ENOUGH TO QUALLIFY AS NC17. There. You have been warned.

And he's holding me in his arms

And he's breathing me in

And he's telling me now that he loves me

And he's tracing his fingertips over my skin

And I'm happier now than I've ever been

And I'm hopping this feeling won't die

And if he says he's just some guy that's fine

The truth is he's mine.

(Anthony Rapp- Just some guy)

Walking away from Remus so coldly like that made Severus' stomach crawl. He hated to leave him so suddenly, especially since Remus was the only one who'd been acting kind to him of late, But Black's words had struck to close to home. He was humiliated that Black had been right when he'd called him a slut, when he'd spoken to him in private in more intimate detail.

Black knew Severus had slept with Lucius the night before. But it hadn't been for lust…he'd just desperately needed to do it. He hadn't done it to get the counter curse… He'd done it in an attempt to keep Lucius away from Remus. Severus knew all too well that what Lucius wanted, he got. It had been a vain hope that between himself, Narcissa, Rabastan and Bellatrix that Lucius would have too many sexual partners to put energy into assaulting Remus again.

Gazing at the ground as he walked, he recalled Black's words dancing in his mind.

"_You don't deserve him. Remus is too good for you. If I ever see you with a hand on him again, I'll kill you. That I swear to you Snape. I'd kill you rather than let you touch him."_

Wondering at the truth behind these words, Severus continued to his class. It would be torture, to sit next to Remus. To breath in his scent and not be able to acknowledge him, for he knew that Black would be watching. Waiting for an excuse. Severus did not want to be the one who gave him the extra push he needed. Closing his eyes, he pushed his way into the empty classroom, praying that the day would pass quickly.

The weeks after the Great Hall incident were tense for both partners. They rarely spoke in class and outside of it was even worse. Severus stopped attending their nightly meetings in the library, always being sure to find an excuse to avoid the blond wolf. Eventually, Remus stopped asking altogether and let it be. Guilt rose in Severus' gut every time Remus would ask, hoping that just one he'd say yes. That was the case today as they cleared their work area.

As Severus scooped the leftover Selkie fur into his hand to dispose of it, Remus touched his shoulder, lowering his head to Severus' ear so that only he could hear.

"I want to see you today….Please, don't say no."

His sweet breath warmed the side of Severus' neck, making him shiver with want.

"I can't," he whispered back, eyes darting to where Black and Potter sat. "I have detention."

Remus was still for a moment as if he didn't believe Severus, but thankfully, he released his gentle hold and nodded. "I understand."

"Thank you…" the dark haired man murmured, averting his eyes even farther from the golden ones that seemed to burn into him. He hated to lie to Remus, who seemed to trust him wholly. But…this was a necessary lie. As much as he wanted…longed to be with Remus, he knew he could not face him after willingly giving himself to Lucius' pleasures, even if it was to spare his lover.

"I have to go," he muttered, stepping away from the blond. Remus nodded and turned away, but even the swiftness of the turn was not enough to keep Severus from seeing the pain in his golden and amber eyes.

Lying on the pitch looking up at the sky, Severus allowed himself to breath in the crisp air so deeply it almost hurt. The sky was clear save for a few stray wisps of clouds and the air was quickly chilling as it rolled from off the lake. He closed his eyes, running his hands though the fine silk of his hair. When he was near sleep, an all too familiar voice spoke to him.

"Liar," it said, anger lacing it. Quickly, he rolled over, propping himself up on his one good arm to look into the eyes he'd seen so often.

The blond strode towards him, an unhappy look marring his handsome face.

"Remus…" Severus started. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing. Detention is it?" he growled, letting his satchel fall from where it hung on his arm to the grass next to Severus who lowered his eyes. The worn bag touched Severus' arm just barley enough for him to remember how the soft leather felt under the touch of his fingers as he fished within it to help Remus find his quills as they studied together.

"Did you follow me?" he asked, not raising his eyes too look into the wolf's face. Shame forced him to keep hi head bowed over his thin neck.

"Yes."

"Why?"

Remus sighed and lowered himself to the ground next to the small man and ran a hand through his tussled and sun kissed hair. "I was tired of being lied to. "

He paused, looking directly at Severus now. "If you don't want to be with me, just tell me. Don't let me think you might still want me if you don't. Don't just avoid me." His voiced seemed to trail off, as if he'd just run out of energy. Energy to chase something that was never going to be his. Energy to keep hoping. Energy even to talk.

Severus felt as if he couldn't draw breath for a moment. Finally finding it, he leaned to where the blond man had curled, chin tucked against his knees, and spoke.

"Merlin, Remus I want you. Don't think I don't. I just…"

The blond glanced up at him, but did not reply. Their faces were mere inches away from each other, but they both sat, unmoving. Severus took this opportunity to study the structure of his lovers face. Everything from his tanned complexion to the pale scars that graced, not marred, his face. His jaw line that was a little soft compared to others, his golden eyes that actually had a ring or green just outside the pupil, all of it fascinated and entranced Severus. Finally, moving slowly, he kissed the sweet pink lips that had hovered near his for those long moments.

When he got no resistance, he opened his mouth slightly and slid his tongue into the hot entrance of his lover's mouth, exploring his fully. This was the first time he'd ever been the one in control and he enjoyed it. Remus put of no fight to gain power, as he seemed to enjoy letting Severus take the reins for once.

Feeling somewhat more confident, Severus placed a hand on Remus' chest and pushed lightly, hoping to encourage him to a laying position. When that had success, he carefully balanced himself on top of Remus, kissing and licking at his mouth as if he would eat him from the mouth down. When the pain in his arm became too great to balance himself with, he lay back and pulled Remus on top of him so that he could use his still uninjured arm to it's full advantage.

With Remus on top of him and his golden mane of hair tickling Severus' face, he began to realize the growing discomfort in his slacks from his straining erection. Shifting his hips, Severus slipped a hand underneath Remus' shirt to stroke and touch the bare freash beneath. When his hand slipped across a nipple, Remus shuddered against him, allowing his hips to fall in contact with Severus'. To the dark haired man's pleasure, Remus was as aroused as him.

Kissing him fiercely again, Severus bite the wolf's bottom lip and lowered his hand from Remus' chest to the top of his slacks. Chewing on the flesh in his mouth while he worked carefully to unbutton the loose fitting pants, Severus couldn't help but smile when Remus shuddered and bucked against him, pressing his growing hardness into Severus' waiting hand.

"Sev…" he gasped, barely able to drawn enough air to speak and the other man rubbed him gently in his hands.

"Yes?" Severus replied, almost as breathy.

"I…I want…"

"I think I know what you want…" Severus grinned, tightening his grip on the other, making him gasp in a mix of pain and pleasure.

Eyes wild, Remus looked down at the thinner man and shook his head.

"N-no…" he moaned. " It…it feels so good…" he nearly cried, voice so shaken, mouth slack with need.

"You want more?" Severus asked, squeezing again. This was what he knew how to do. Dirty, hard, fast. Fucking. He was shocked and a little hurt when Remus grabbed his hand and stopped him.

"No."

"Why?"

"I want….I want to make love to you," Remus whispered, eyes half closed.

The Dark haired man gazed up at him in wonder before swallowing the lump that had appeared in his throat.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," Remus answered softly, kissing Severus.

And there, behind the Quiditch Pitch, Remus made love to Severus the most gently and sensually that anyone ever had. Twice.

Their bodies moved in time slowly, gently, as they got used to each other. The feel of the movement, the breaths that were taken, the sweat that dripped and turned cool in the air of the fading sun. It rolled from Remus' back down to his chest that hovered above Severus' as he pushed into him as kindly as he could. The thin man below him shook with desire and he was sure Remus could see his ribs expand with every labored breath that escaped him.

Their intertwined limbs clung to each other as Remus came inside the smaller man. Severus looked up at his partner, at his sweat-soaked hair and blood-flushed face. He looked up and kissed Remus' jaw and spoke the words he never thought he'd say.

"I love you…"

"I love you too, Severus."

He was surprised at how easily, these words came from Remus, and how sincere he sounded. The blond lay next to him on his belly, propped up on one elbow so he could look at the other boy. His supple form was intoxicating to look upon. So soft, softer than Lucius who was hard from the muscle that lay under the skin, but harder than any woman he'd been forced to submit to. There was definition lying just under the comfortable layer of flesh that covered the content wolf. Severus realized how thin and sickly he looked next to the other man. So pale, to thin. All his bones showed when he was nude and it made him extremely uncomfortable to be so exposed when he had nothing to be proud of. It didn't seem to matter how often Remus said he was beautiful of sexy, all the years of being under Lucius had crushed the confidence out of him. Shyly, he reached for his robed to cover himself with and his arm flared to life with pain. As he yelped and cradled his arm against himself, Remus examined it and frowned.

"It's gotten worse…"

"I know."

"I promise I'll have the counter cure mastered soon…"

Severus nodded and slowly, with the help of Remus, re-clothed himself. Under the cover of darkness, the two lovers snuck back into the castle.


	15. O Relutante

O Relutante

A/N: WARNING. This is the changing point of the story. It involves RAPE. If that makes you uncomfortable, please turn away from this now.

We twist and turn where angels burn   
Like fallen soldiers we will learn  
That once forgotten, twice removed  
Love will be the death...  
The death of you

(Savage Garden- Tears of pearls)

Remus felt amazing as he lay in his bed, arms crossed behind his head. His charmed clock ticked away, telling him that it was well after 12:30 on a Thursday night, but he couldn't bring himself to care. His mind was too busy processing what had just happened.

He'd given his virginity to Severus only hours ago. Behind the damn Quiditch Pitch. He flushed with embarrassment, for it hadn't been as romantic as he'd planned. In fact, it had been rather spontaneous and he felt a tinge of regret that it couldn't have been in a room with a real bed instead of the glass and hard ground where it happened.

Rolling onto his side, he looked across the room at his sleeping housemates. Remus felt his stomach clench when he saw Sirius' back turned to him, even in his sleep. The taller man's blankets covered him only from the waist down so that his muscular back was exposed to Remus, almost seeming to taunt him with the scars that covered it. Remus knew all too well how Sirius had gotten the scars. He'd given them to him while in wolf form, being unable to control himself on too many nights. Now Sirius had to bear the marks for the rest of his life. Remus wondered if Sirius would ever gain another scar with him, or if they're friendship was truly over.

The last few weeks between them had been tense ones. Mostly filled with hateful looks from Sirius to Severus, and finally to Remus. Why he was so angry, Remus was still unsure. What he did know what that they didn't exchange many words other than 'pass the rolls' and 'got an extra quill?' It was really starting to bother the blond wolf, but what could he do? With Sirius haven taken to sitting farther and farther away from him during meals and refusing any help Remus offered, there really was nothing he _could_ do. Although he suspected Sirius' anger was directed more at Severus than himself, it didn't stop the fact it hurt Remus when James (although he tried not to take sides) generally ended up with Sirius on almost every issue. Meals, study sessions, hell even what sodding shoes to wear that day. Although Remus didn't hold it against him, it was still painful to have not only Sirius cutting him off, but James doing it as well.

The blond closed his eyes and tried to sleep but the feeling of unease kept waking him. The full moon was close and if James stayed in the dorms with Peter and Sirius, it would be the first transformation he'd have to do solo in a great long time. Finally, weakness from the moons pull and exhaustion finally led him into a fitful sleep.

Remus woke with a start to the sound of a consistent tapping at the window just above the head of his bed. Rolling to his side, he reached out and unlatched the glass, letting a small snowy owl climb through and perch on his covers. The owl hooted and Remus winced, wondering if it was going to wake any of the other students. Quickly he untied the letter on the small creatures leg and gave it a pellet to eat while he read.

_Remus, _

_I have something of great importance to give you. There is a vile enclosed in the envelope that contains a potion I have been working on for weeks. I hope that it eases some of the pain you feel during the full moon. Please, drink it and meet me in the Potions hall. I want to know if it works, but if something should go wrong I want to be able to give you an antidote. It should start taking effect 5 minutes after it is drunk. Meet me at 3. _

_Severus Snape_

Remus read it once more and reached into the still open envelope, pulling out a thin glass vile of a pale yellow liquid. Fingering it gently, he held it up to his eyes to study it. It sloshed slowly and was slightly warm. Was this what Severus had been using all those books on Werewolves for? Deeply touched, Remus put it in his pocket and leaned back to look at the time on his enchanted clock. It was just after 2am. Although he'd only had a few hours of sleep Remus decided that if the potion worked, it would be worth the pain of pulling himself from his warm covers to slink off in the middle of the night.

Finally convincing himself to get out of bed, Remus pulled on a pair of Khaki's and his heavy woolen cloak. Fastening it in place, he glanced around the room to see if he'd woken anyone in the process of dressing. Having being bitten by a Were had some advantages. His night vision was extremely good and he could hear most things others could not. The only occupant that gave him pause when he left was Sirius. His breathing was faster than the normal deep, even breaths of those while they sleep. However, finding it not to be too much a problem, Remus hurried down the stairs and out through the portrait hole. The Fat Lady 'Humphed!' at him, but didn't try to stop him.

As he moved through the darkened corridors, he lifted the vile in his hands once more. Hadn't Severus said to drink it before he arrived? It was only 15 till three and now was probably a good of time as ever. Uncorking the vile, he lifted it to his lips. Taking one last breath, he drank it in one painful swallow.

It was a bitter, vile tasting substance that burned his throat and nose as it went down. The blond man coughed and sputtered, trying to ride himself of the pain the potion was causing him but only succeeding in making it worse. Slowly, he began to feel light-headed and a little dizzy. It felt as if his eyes were having trouble staying focused, like he just needed to sit down. Only for a moment of course, because Severus would be arriving soon…

He lay there, head against the cool stone of the walls for only a few minutes before a silkily smooth voice brought him back to reality.

"Hello there, Remus."

Opening his eyes felt like a struggle but the blond Gryffindor managed, just barely, to accomplish it. He gazed up, eyes unfocused, at the tall lithe figure standing in front of him. After several seconds of confusion, his throat tightened, his pulse quickened.

"Lucius…" he managed to choke out, still staring at the long haired man.

"Yes luv, it's me. What's wrong? You're not looking so well," the Slytherin purred, kneeling beside Remus' limp form.

"I…" Remus started, trying to keep his head up. He blinked slowly as Lucius touched his face with a leather gloved hand. He turned Remus' face towards him and peered at him curiously.

"That potion Severus sent looks like it's really done a number on you," he commented, moving one of his fingers from side to side as if to test Remus' responses. After a moment, Lucius nodded to himself and wrapped his arms tightly around Remus' frame, hoisting him to his feet.

"But don't worry," he murmured. "I'm here now."

The words of comfort did nothing for Remus besides send a jolt of panic through him. Where was Severus? Wasn't there anyone down here besides Lucius? He shuddered as the lanky Slytherin scooped him up fully into his arms and carried him in his near unconscious state, to an empty classroom. Remus struggled to remember what he'd been doing down here in the first place. Oh, a potion that made the change less painful. Well, this certainly wasn't painful. In fact, he barely felt much of anything at all.

Although he tried to hold onto the thought, it was difficult to concentrate, as if he was looking at everything through a haze. It was just too much effort to keep trying and he knew he would feel better if he just stopped thinking. It was only when he was placed on a cold wooden table did he open his eyes again. From what he could tell, he was in a potions classroom. But the door was locked, the lights dimmed down to near nothing. He tried to speak again, but his tongue felt thick.

"Lucius…? What are you doing?"

He rolled to his side, trying to focus on the other man. But Lucius had his back turned to Remus and didn't answer. He raised his arms and slipped out of his cloak, exposing the last expanse of his muscled back that stretched beneath the fabric of the silk shirt he wore. Confused, Remus tried to rise up on his elbows but could not. He coughed and rolled to the side, thinking he'd have a better vantage point from there. The sound of clothes being shed roused him and he looked back to were Lucius stood, naked from the waist up, his platinum hair falling around him like a living curtain. He shuddered as a lock of the fine hair touched his face.

Remus turned his head so he could look away from the scene that was unfolding before him. However, he couldn't escape Lucius' strong calloused hands as they turned his face back to his assailant. Remus shivered as the taller man ducked forward, bringing their faces incredibly close before licking the side of the wolf's neck. Slowly, Lucius worked his way up from the neck to Remus' mouth which was slack from the potion. Without the pretense of romance, he pressed his lips against the other's and slipped his tough past unwilling lips.

The feel of Lucius' tongue in his mouth brought Remus crashing back to reality and he began to struggle as much as he could. But because every move he made caused him to feel sick, and because Lucius was larger and stronger than him, it was a useless battle.

"Stop struggling. Like I told you last time, you'll like it," Lucius breathed against his skin. Fear gripped the smaller Gryffindor as Lucius' hands found their way into his robes, pulling at the buttons, slipping past the material to caress bare skin beneath. Trapped on his back, Remus had no choice but to stare up into the pale eyes of the man above him as his clothes were removed from his body and dropped to the floor.

"H-help…" he gasped as Lucius bent over him, groin dangerously near the wolf's mouth. Even through the solid leather of the older man's slacks, Remus could feel the heat of what hid beneath them.

"Hush now, no one is going to hear you," Lucius assured, wrapping his hand in the smaller man's thick hair, forcing his head back. Remus bucked below him, trying to knock the other man off of him, but only succeeding in hurting himself even more by pulling against Lucius' strong hold in his hair.

"No…I don't…Lucius," he gasped. "Please stop this."

Apparently having grown bored with talk and not trusting the potion to keep Remus passive enough not to bite him, Lucius forcefully rolled the other onto his stomach and pulled him down the table so that just his upper body was supported by it now. Remus' legs felt weak beneath him but he was grateful he could touch the floor again. Maybe he could run….

Terror ripped a small sound from his throat as he felt Lucius fumbling with the button of his captive's slacks. As they fell from his waist, Remus felt the first tears welling up in his gold-tinted eyes. A shuddering breath escaped him as the tall Slytherin ran a hand down his now exposed back and the curve of his buttocks. As a last plea, Remus turned to look over his shoulder into the pale eyes of the man behind him.

"Lucius-"

But be was cut off sharply by the slap that seemed to have been waiting for him. Remus' head whorled as he stared into the cold, dark wood of the table he was sprawled upon. His nails dug into the polished wood and he squeezed his eyes shut as he felt Lucius undo his own pants.

Stumbling back to the Gryffindor Tower, Remus struggled to clear the thoughts from his head and figure out just what had gone wrong. Hadn't Severus said he'd meet him there? What was Lucius doing in his place? Pain erupted in Remus and he tripped, falling against the Fat Lady, gasping for air.

"Password…?" she asked tentatively.

"I-" he started, but fell to his knees before her. He was still too affected by the potion to walk or even stand properly. Chocking back a sob of frustration, he closed his eyes and curled up into himself. A small gasp of fear escaped him as a hand closed over his shoulder. After a moment of confusion, relief flooded the blond man and he smiled for the first time that night.

"Sirius….What are you doing here?"

"I woke and you were gone. Thought I'd wait for you," he whispered, dropping to his knees next to his shaking friend. "What happened to you, Moony?"

"Nothing…" the other murmured, too ashamed to tell Sirius of the assault that had just happened to him.

"You're lying," Sirius said, pushing Remus' hair away from his face.

"Yeah…I am."

"You've been doing that a lot lately."

"I'm sorry Sirius…" Remus whispered, allowing his head to fall against the taller friends shoulder. It was too much effort to keep holding it up and besides, this was the first time Sirius had spoken to him in nearly a month. It felt good to just rest against him for a while, breathing in his scent.

A jostling pulled Remus away from his thoughts of Sirius and back to the fact that he was practically laying in his arms. The taller man was lifting him to his feet and helping him through the portrait hole. Sirius was practically carrying him up the stairs to the dorm and he actually did lay him on his bed, pulling the covers around his newly assaulted friend.

"Remus…What happened to you…?"

Although Remus seriously doubted Sirius would look at him any differently, it was difficult to bring himself to say just what had happened. Sighing shakily, he decided it was time to tell the truth.


	16. How Could

How Could

A/N: This chapter takes place two days after the last chapter. I am so very sorry it took so long to upload this chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters depicted in this story.

If it was up to me

I would've never walked out

So until the sun burns out

Oh, I hope you're waiting

Coheed and Cambria - The Suffering

Severus sat curled in his chair at the Slytherin table in the Great Hall, trying to make himself as invisible as he could. Of course, being surrounded by the older students of his house, Lucius in particular, (who sat next to him stroking his thigh) it was almost impossible. It had been two full days since he'd left the Slytherin dorms, having been drugged beyond movement. He knew exactly what had happened two nights ago all too well. Lucius had taken it upon himself to tell in grotesque detail and them show by example exactly what he's done to Remus. Now, seated next to his abuser in plain view, Severus knew he would have to face Remus and his friends.

The idea of facing what would probably be the beating of his life from Sirius Black and James Potter was not what made Severus squirm in feel sick in his stomach. No, he was used to physical and mental abuse. It was the look that would be on Remus' face when he saw Severus in what appeared to be a loving embrace with Lucius. Severus shuddered, turning his face away as Lucius moved his hand from the younger man's thigh and moved it to his shoulder, forcing the small Slytherin to lean into him. The tall blond lowered his mouth so that his lips brushed the curve of Severus' ear, his breath hot there.

"Look, Sevy. Look at him now."

Slowly, painfully, Severus turned his head and raised his eyes to look across the great hall at the entrance where Remus was walking in. His tall form was hunched, his skin seemed to have lost it's sun-kissed glow and his eyes. Oh, his eyes. The gold tinted amber orbs were downcast and shrouded by the grey under them. The worst part? He was walking with an arm draped over his shoulders very much in the same fashion that Severus was with Lucius. The arm belonged to Sirius Black, and the man in question was giving Severus a look that could melt iron. With such an acidic glare directed at him, Severus recoiled slightly. As he did, he caught a glimpse of Remus raising his head to look at him.

The look started at his feet and slowly rose to take in the whole scene. He seemed to pause at Lucius' arm that crept around Severus' shoulder and at the hand that idly played with his hair. Severus fought his shame and raised his eyes to meet Remus'. Without speaking, it was difficult to comunicate with Remus, and he could 't let his expression betray what he felt with Lucius watching him. But with his eyes, he tried to express that thing were not what they seemed. If only he could be alone with Remus, he might be able to explain. However, the probability of that happening was slim with Lucius and Sirius both watching him. But, maybe if he could just...talk to him in potions, he could tell Remus exactly what was going on. Explain that what happened to Remus...It wasn't supposed to happen. But from what Lucius told him, Remus thought what happened to him was planned by Severus as some elaborate plot for revenge.

When Severus gazed into the golden eyes he was so familiar with, however, all he was was a blank stare, followed by Remus quickly looking away. To the long haired man's dismay, Sirius wrapped his arm tighter around Remus' shoulder and with a last venomous look, led the other Gryffendor towards their table to the furthest possible chair away from the Slytherins. Still watching the dusty haired blond, Severus cringed when Lucius leaned close to him again.

"Do you like my gift to you? I thought you might. You know, Severus, I was wrong about him. I thought he would be a little too submissive for my tastes, like you. But he struggled. Oh, how he fought. Much more than you ever did. Yes, the smell of his fear and his resistance was wonderful. I think I would like to taste him again..." Lucius purred, licking Severus' neck as he went.

The frail man pulled away, a snarl plastered on his face, making it ugly.

"Don't. Do not even think about it. If you so much as touch another hair on his head, it won't be me you deal with. You saw him with Black just now. He may be a Gryffendor, but he's still from the house of Black. They have old magic and old blood," Severus warned, still straining to get away from Lucius.

"So, what your saying is Black is more powerful than you, yes? He'll be a better protector of that you held dear? You're too weak to stand against me, but he's not?"

A pang of humiliation rang through him but he knew better than to disagree with Lucius. He'd done it too often in the past months, hell, even days, to forget it.

"Well?" Lucius asked. "Is that what you meant?"

Swallowing the last of his pride, he nodded.

"Say it, Severus."

"Yes..." he spat through gritted teeth. He closed his eyes, hoping Lucius was satisfied but seriously doubting it. He swore silently to himself as he heard Lucius begin to speak again.

"Yes what, Severus? I don't think the others could hear you."

Slowly, Severus looked up at the faces of his house mates, meeting each pair of hostile or amused eyes before speaking.

"I am too weak to defend what I care for."

Lucius smiled and stroked Severus' face as he looked at his other lovers present at the table. Slowly, almost tenderly, he kissed Severus' cheek. Appalled, Severus pulled away to stand and gather his things but was stopped by Lucius' strong hand on his arm. Severus stopped his movement and looked at the larger man with distaste plain on his face.

"I have to get to class," he said softly. He waited for a few moments before Lucius released him. Pulling away, he stepped as far away as he could without drawing too much attention to the fact that he was doing so. Lucius gazed at him as if trying to decide weather or not to let him leave. Finally, he smiled and nodded.

"Then you better hurry. Wouldn't want to be late now, would you?"

About 12 minutes later, Severus found himself seated in the potions class, waiting for Remus to enter. When he finally did, he was still under Sirius' arm, eyes downcast. As Severus watched through a veil of his hair, Remus reluctantly parted fro Sirius and walked towards Madame Falkenstien and began talking to her in low tones. After a few moments, the elderly witch nodded solemnly and patted his back before he turned and bent to speak to Sirius. The black haired man seemed pleased by whatever it was Remus said and, to Severus' horror, leaned forward and brushed his lips against Remus' collar before wolf straightened up and left the room.

Confused, Severus looked to Madame Falkenstien who was walking towards him. She stopped and leaned forward to speak with him.

"Mr Snape, I am sorry to say that Mr. Lupin has decided to drop the class due to personal reasons. I think perhaps he just has too may classes to juggle. But don't worry, Mr. Snape, I can give you other assignments that do not require a partner to complete. Your grade should be fine this semester."

Severus listened as she spoke but couldn't quite understand the words. Finally, traces of his old arrogance returned and he replied,

"Don't worry, Madame. I assure you I can handle any assigment given to me."

He stopped and glanced at the door which Remus had exited and looked back to his grey haired proffesor. "Ma'am? May I be excused for a moment?"

"Of course, Mr. Snape," she assured, stepping back to give him room. Quickly, the thin boy rose and slipped out of the class, hurrying to catch up with the blond man who was moving at almost a sluggish pace ahead of him.

"Remus!" he called, jogging to catch him. He watched as the wolf turned and slowly brought his eyes up to meet Severus' gaze.

"What...?" the wolf asked, still holding his satchel close to his body.

"Remus, we have to talk."

"I don't think you do," came a cold voice from behind Severus. The dark haired man turned to see Sirius Black advancing on him, a look of hatred on his face. As the other man drew closer, Severus stopped moving to watch him, waiting to see if his wand would come out. It didn't, but he did reach for Severus, his hand clasping around the Slytherin's small limb.

"What are you," he began to ask, but was cut short when Sirius jerked the sleeve of Severus' robe back to expose the thin, flawless limb in the light. Knowing what he was doing, Severus attempted to jerk away, but as he'd told Lucius earlier, Sirius was stronger than him and did not release him.

"You see?" Sirius snarled. "He's healed."

Remus looked at Severus' arm from where he was and reluctantly moved closer. Judging by the look on his face, Severus knew this is exactly what Lucius had been hoping for. The remenant of trust slowly vanished as Remus examined the pale skin. And then, the first hints of anger blossomed in his cheeks. Remus looked up, eyes burning, into Severus'.

"So it was true then? He healed you after...after he got what he wanted? After you gave him what he wanted," Remus said, stepping away.

"No, it's not-"

"Shut up! Don't fucking talk to him, you fuck," Sirius snarled, throwing the smaller man to the ground. He pointed a finger at Severus and motioned for Remus to step back.

"Don't you ever fucking come near him again, or I swear to Merlin, I will kill you."

Something in Sirius' voice made Severus believe him. Slowly, he nodded. Sirius slowly backed up and walked to Remus, putting his arm around the blond's shoulder. Pain rushed through Severus as he watched and carefully, he looked up at what was once his lover.

"Remus...I am sorry."

Remus looked at him and curled closer to Sirius. By the look in his eyes, Severus could tell that there was something broken in him. Something shattered that could not be fixed.


	17. Forgiveness

Forgiveness

A/N: One of the last installments of this story. It's been a long and bumpy ride, but I think It's been worth it. If any readers are interested, I will be posting the revised and uncut version of this story on soon. I'll upload the link when it's ready. Thank you everyone. You are all amazing.

Disclaimer: Same as always.

We can't look at one another.

I'll say something thoughtful soon,

but I can't listen to the quiet

so I hum this mindless tune

I stole from some dumb country-rock star.

I don't even know his name.

It's like my stupid little questions:

the answers always sound the same.

Weakerthans- None of The Above

Months had gone by, all of them seemingly a blur to Remus. After what happened, he spent a great deal of time lying about in the dorms, not working on school, not eating, just staying in bed. Eventually, one night, Sirius came into the dorm and quietly crept into bed with Remus and wrapped his arms around his friend. Remus tensed up at first, being alarmed at the intimate contact. When he tried to pull away, Sirius did not let him. He instead tightened his hold and buried his face in Remus' back and held him, despite his struggles.

Although Sirius had touched Remus in the past and especially after Severus' betrayal, being held so tightly brought back the memories of that horrific night. When Sirius planted light kissed on his shoulder or wrapped his arm around Remus' shoulder, the blond had always assumed it was just a comfort gesture, but it hadn't ever felt sexual, rather, just protective. Remus felt panic rising in his chest and his breathing came faster than was normal and tears began forming in his eyes.

"Sirius, please let me go. Let me go! Let me go!" he cried, trying to break free of the lanky man's hold. When Sirius just tightened his hold more, Remus started to shake. "Please! Merlin, just let me go! Don't, please please please! Don't do this!" he cried, tears flowing freely from his eyes, his hands balled into fists clutching at the fabric of Sirius' sleeves, trying to pry them away from him.

"Remus, it's me. It's Sirius, I wouldn't hurt you."

"Then let me go!" Remus cried, still fighting. After several long minutes of struggling, Remus collapsed against Sirius and cried softly. He was so shaken up, he didn't even realize when Sirius released him and climbed over him so he could lay facing his friend so he could look at him more closely.

Remus shuddered as Sirius' long, calloused fingers stroked his hair and face. Finally, Remus quieted his sobs and blinked at Sirius through his thick lashes. Sirius was looking at him srangly, like the way Severus had looked at him when they were in an embrace. Remus continued to watch Sirius carefully as the other man leaned closer until their mouths were almost touching. Slowly, Sirius closed the distance between them and kissed Remus fully, softly, lovingly. Remus allowed him too and then after seconds of debate, kissed him back. After a few timid kisses, Sirius licked Remus' lower lip, asking to be let in. Willingly, the blond parted his mouth for his long time friend and began to explore his mouth. Hands touched each others bodies, feeling soft, firm flesh that lay beneath their clothes.

And so, for the remainder of their school together, Remus and Sirius found solace in each others arms. Of course, Remus saw Severus in the halls, but the Slytherin's animosity towards him seemed to grow whenever they met eyes. And when nearly 16 years had passed, Remus once again found himself with Severus, back at the school where it had started.

For the first time in almost two decades, the two who were once lab partners sat across from each other, alone and in complete privacy.

Remus looked across the table in the staff room at Severus who was hunched over his papers, grading them without bothering to look up at his ex lover. Remus took the time to examine Severus who looked very much the same as he had all those years ago. Thin, taller than he had been so that he was nearly Remus' height now, and as stern looking as ever. His long, thin fingers worked quickly, marking papers and jotting notes to the students on them. Remus looked at him, and felt no hatred for him. In fact, a few old memories, intimate memories, rose as he watched the tall, well aged man work.

Remus reached for his tea and looked down at his own students work, feeling little interest in grading their papers. Taking a long sip of his warm drink, he looked back up at Severus. The other man seemed to notice the look and glanced up from his papers, dark eyes narrowed.

"Something you want, Lupin?" Severus asked, still holding his quill at the ready. Remus tucked a greying strand of hair behind his ear in a nervous habit he'd had all his life. Severus watched him, expression unreadable.

"Well?" the potions master asked again, this time setting his things down and leaning forward, his loose shirt falling open slightly, revealing his boney chest and collar.

Remus shook his head and looked away from the other man. "It's nothing, Severus. I was just...thinking."

"I assumed as much, seeing as you were staring at me with that look you get."

"What look?" Remus asked, honestly curious as to what Severus meant. He hadn't had an actual conversation with him in so many years, he thought it would be difficult to start again, but it was almost like picking up where they had left off so long ago.

Severus sighed and motioned with his hands towards Remus and began to speak.

"That look, the one you get when you are thinking something important. It's different from your day-dreaming look. So, what is it?" Severus demanded, looking intently at the other man.

Remus paused, considering if it was worth it to open that can of worms again or if it was best to let it rest. Finally, he set his tea down and looked directly into Severus' dark eyes. He hadn't spent so much time making eye contact with the other man in Merlin knew how long and now, he sat and stared into them, hoping to find the answers he never got as a teen.

"Severus, what happened back then? When we were in school. Did you really... Did you do all that as revenge?"

There. He'd finally said it. Remus wasn't sure he would like the answer, but he knew that Severus would not lie. It was not his way. Knowing this, Remus settled back and prepared himself for any answer he got. The first two people he'd slept with may have done it only to harm him and if that was the case, he needed to know.

Severus, for a moment, did no reply. He sat very rigidly as he seemed to consider the question. His hair had darkened from childhood into a true black rather than the dark brown it had been. It was shorter and more easily maintained but he still had it tucked neatly behind his ears. Severus ran a finger over his hooked nose and let out a breath.

"No, Remus. I did not."

Seconds passed and Remus remained unmoving. Carefully, he asked, "Then why, Severus?"

"I did not intend for any of that to happen. I merely wanted to help you. My owl...I don't understand how, But Lucius knew. I am sorry. As I said back then, I am truly sorry for what happened to you."

Severus looked away, finally breaking eye contact and he turned back to his papers. Remus watched him and let what he'd said sink in. Without thinking, he stood abruptly and walked to stand in front of the seated man before him and stared down at him. As he watched, Severus looked up, hands still hovering over his work.

"What is it...?"

"Kiss me," Remus said simply.

"Excuse me?" Severus said, surprise showing plainly on his gaunt face.

"Kiss me, Severus. I just want to know something."

"Lupin, you know well enough that I will not do that."

Dropping to his knees, Remus leaned close to Severus and waited, looking at him intently. Severus strained his neck to pull away, but being trapped in a seat, it was impossible.

"Please, Severus. I just want to know if you still feel for me. If you ever felt for me."

Severus shook his head. "A kiss can lie."

"No, it can't. If you care for me, I will be able to tell. Trust me."

Remus leaned closer so that his breath mingled with the black haired man's. "Please," he breathed, eyes drifting closed.

To his relief and amazement, Severus closed the distance between them and captured Remus' scarred mouth with his. Remus closed his eyes and breathed in every sent he could. He smelled Severus' scent, his cologne, his sweat, his desire, but no trace of a lie. When people lie, they released a very faint, but distinctive smell. Remus smelled nothing like it.

He started to pull back, but Severus wrapped his fingers in the dark blond hair and kept him in the kiss. Before he knew it, Remus' togue met Severus' and they clawed at one another, as is to eat each other from the mouth down. When they finally broke away for air, Remus' robes lay discarded on the floor and Severus was panting, looking at him as if it was the first time.

"My room..." Remus gasped, licking his way down Severus' neck, stopping on his collar to nibble gently.

"Yes..." Severus agreed.

Fin

A/N: My what a long and troubled road this has been. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed over the years, I truly appreciate it. As a note, I will be posting the uncut version that was too explicaite for on If you would be interested in reading this version, feel free to e-mail me and I'll send you a link as soon as it is uploaded. Also, be on the look-out for a short story between Remus and Sirius that takes place in-between chapters of "It's Between God and Me", It will be called "Yes, It's Called Desire" and should be uploaded by April 5th at the latest. Special thanks to MaddyMouse, bluudyrabbitofportland, Femalemoony12, and everyone else over the years who's been so supportive. I love you all.

Ashley


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